Missing Out [SC10]

[Stream of Consciousness - SC]

Comparing myself to other people makes my life feel bitter. Is this just me? Or is it the case for everyone?

Sometimes seeing people with money, wealth, fame, power, and influence dating pretty high class girls, riding expensive cars or motorbikes, wearing expensive brand clothes, eating out at fancy restaurants, visiting expensive attracting places, and staying at luxurious hotels makes me want to experience the same things.

I am confident to say that it is not the kind of lifestyle I wish to live permanently for the rest of my life. I know it is not my kind of life that would give me purpose, fulfillment, peace of mind, and happiness, but somehow I just want to experience it. I want to taste what it is like to live like that. I want to experience how high it gets, how much fun it provides, or maybe how toxic it could be.

Is it possible for me to experience such lifestyle if I am not super committed to pursue it? I have a friend who seems to be very committed to become wealthy and pursue such lifestyle. He is not super rich at the moment, but he is doing well, at least by the look from the outside (his social media). I don't know if I can trust social media to tell if someone's really happy and doing well. Most people put only positive, good, fun, happy parts of their real lives on social media. Observing his life makes me envious.

At the same time, I have known a story of a singer who had gone to the top of his career living the lifestyle I have described above to only realize he was missing something in his life and he didn't really make music and sign the way he wanted to. The death of his father and close friends got him into depression and began his quest to find and enlighten himself. This story makes me question if it is worth it to experience the above lifestyle.

What really makes me want to experience this lifestyle is (1) an idea that I don't want to miss out this kind of life and (2) a doubt that questions my ability to pursue this kind of lifestyle; if I decided to not pursue this lifestyle, would it be because it doesn't suit me or I am not capable of affording it?

I think a part of all of these has nothing to do with me wanting to experience this kind of lifestyle, but it has to do with self-confidence and feeling of security with the life I am living now.