#100Days [001] Don't know why I keep writing

[Stream of Consciousness]

I don't know why I keep coming back to writing. I don't know if I really enjoy writing. But I keep telling myself that I want to develop a writing craft, and I want to be a writer despite the fact that I have never really been a formal or professional writer. What I have normally done is journal writing.

Only lately I think for the last two years, I have looked into personal writing or creative nonfiction writing which is more structured and purposeful than my journal writing driven mainly by pure stream of consciousness.

Writing gives me a way to clarify my thoughts or make sense of my emotions as well as feelings. However, it has not always been that straight forward or easy when it comes to identifying or expressing my own feeling, be it in spoken words or written words. Somehow I find doing it in written words a bit easier. In addition, it helps me organized my thoughts and practice communicating them to other people. Sometimes it is just a way to release the pressure, anger, frustration, and sadness that have been built up inside myself. To write them out of my system.

There are moments when I doubt my writing capability. I still doubt myself sometimes now. I don't know what type of writer I am or want to become. I don't really have a deep connection with writing like most writers. For example, many great writers or music writers have difficult childhood or traumatic general life experiences, which make them alienated from the rest of the world. They normally find it hard to verbally communicate what they are experiencing to the people around them. But they find comfort in writing to express themselves by writing it all out on paper.

I think I might not have such experience or story. But maybe I also find writing as a way to express myself too even though I might not be aware of it. I do believe that everyone always has something within them to express whether they admit it or not.