#100Days [012] - Morning Ride After Two Years

Today I went out for a morning ride with a new cycling team. It was a first proper road riding after almost two years. I was not really at the level I was two years ago. We rode to Prek Ta Mek. I struggled a bit on there, but I managed to do a bit of pulling on the way back. Many riders have got stronger, I think, just because they have done a lot of riding for the last two years while I was away. We were riding at around 40Km/h on average for 50km. Somehow speed is what everybody is always bragging or talking about in cycling since I was in the national team. It hasn't really changed much.

What I felt different this time is how I experienced the morning ride. I was in the present and enjoying everything around--the other riders, the small talks, the coffee, and the bicycle ride itself. I took time to greet people I know. I smiled. I talked to other riders during the ride. My mind was in the ride. Two years ago, it was different. When I was riding with other riders in the group, I would think about my training for that day after the ride. I was very fixated on my cycling dream and training. I didn't really take time to enjoy anything else.

Getting back into cycling community, I was anxious about what people could have reacted to me. Surprisingly, many people welcomes me back. They were surprised to see me back on the bike riding. They asked me about where I had been, what I did now, and if I was going to start riding regularly from now. I felt warm and welcomed, and I am very grateful. A couple of days ago, I didn't feel the same.

When I was in Siem Reap, I asked my road cycling team captain to borrow his bicycle for a 8-minute documentary film shooting about my cycling journey. He saw my message, but he didn't reply on the same day. It made me feel very anxious and embarrassed with the fact that I asked him, and he didn't reply to me straight away. I wish I hadn't done that. It put me in a pretty low self-esteem and insecure mood. I wrote about it in #100Days [008]. Two days later, he responded to me and asked me to go pick up his bicycle. Everything was fine. He texted like normal. I felt relieved and better on that day. I realized that it was just me overthinking.

On top of that, today I realized that many people from my cycling team respect me, and they just want me keep riding bicycle; I don't have to race. I think that is the beauty of cycling. It is all the about supportive community. It is about the early morning ride, the small talks during the ride, the shouting when someone crossing the road in front of the bicycle train, the rickshaw making a turn, the car overtaking us, the jokes at a coffee shop, and the friendship that will last.