fantasy

Watched the secret life of walter mitty last night. I enjoyed it. There was one scene I laughed so hard at I was crying (that benjamin button thing? I have it). Overall I related a lot to the feeling of living a far more dynamic self/life in the imagination. Like that over the top fight scene fantasy, I used to pass a lot of time with that kind of thing at my first job.

The merging of the two selves...bringing the imagined self into reality. There's something to that. That self is obviously there, and using the imagination as an outlet for what's being repressed in expression. Because of conditioned fear, lack of practice, lack of confidence. A compensatory function.

If one starts to express in the moment rather than holding back and putting on an agreeable and courteous mask, the fantasies will start to dissolve as one's fullness emerges more and more into reality. Coming to life. The would-be fantasies will have been acted out and satisfied in real time before they can spiral into absurdity. They'll no longer be needed because life will be satisfying enough. One can be happily present.

He answered the call to adventure. Will I when it calls me? The last time it did, I delayed it. I think it was the right move. Hard to say though, very hard to say. But here I am, gearing up for the next one.

I seem to have entered a new season recently. It's very strange, I don't know quite what to do. I'm procrastinating more than ever but I don't seem to care. Part of it might be the heat and the rain. Life on pause. I'm enjoying it for the most part. Though there are still the anxious thoughts, the things left unsaid and undone.