recovery

Feeling a lot of discomfort this morning. Physically too, eyes feel heavy (mom's spaghetti). Guessing it's either carryover from yesterday or the poopoo tea. Feeling lonely and frustrated. Weighed down and slowed down by these old stuck emotions. Time keeps tick tick ticking and I've been making little progress each day lately, if any.

I'm back in my room at least. It's smaller but cosier now. I fixed it up nicely. No more empty cabinets taking up precious space. I like that I can fit most of my things into the one.

Phone is being stubborn since last night. Hopefully this isn't curtains for it. I'd better get that battery replacement asap, no more putting it off. Especially if it's going to be my only device.

After that there's just a few things left to wrap up. Then it's just taking things as they come, focusing on my shadow work and pursuing what I'm going to pursue - with no illusions that they'll either make me happy or that I won't be happy without them. Just things to explore and experience until they fade away again. I'll soon be free of this device and that'll leave me with a lot of time to read and do other things, or not. Just more being. More relaxing, hopefully. More enjoying the life that surrounds me in each moment. And more feeling all the pain and discomfort I've buried. Gotta be ready for that too.

That's the key to recovery I think. Learning to feel and learning to relax. Learning to not-do. Learning to be with what's here and now. Learning to enjoy myself as I am and life as it is. Learning to be content with less and less until returning to a state as close to original naturalness as possible. Before I started stuffing my wounds with all this excess junk and activity, consuming my life and mind. All the wasted energy, for what amounts to stuff in the end. Stuff stuff and more stuff. Stuffing myself with stuff stuff stuff.

I'm looking forward to it. I feel less stuffed already.