It's interesting that despite how nihilistic my thinking might seem at times, I carry on doing things anyways. On an external level it doesn't seem to matter much what I think; life continues unfolding, including me. What does change seems mainly to be my experience of what unfolds. I can perceive it as empty, miraculous, amusing, pointless, mysterious, tedious, insignificant, transformative or any other number of adjectives. All of it depending on my internal state - what I'm thinking and feeling.

This internal response reflected outward then appears to influence what continues to unfold. More than controlling external events, I seem to color them with my responses which are then colored by the responses of the other people and elements of the external world. Or maybe, just my perception of them. Again, it depends on my internal response to the externalized expressions I'm perceiving.

So, I can be as nihilistic or optimistic as I want. In the end, the thoughts and feelings that come along with these viewpoints/beliefs will only influence my experience of and responses to something that's beyond them. Ultimately, with enough attention and awareness of what's going on within, it can be a matter of choice. How will I choose to perceive this?

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