hunger

The other day I was watching a video of a cool guy living a cool life - traveling to beautiful places, eating fancy foods, doing exciting things. All apparently as part of a search for happiness that continues to elude him.

While I was watching I couldn't help noticing that, when it comes down to it, he really just seemed to be having a lot of different sensory experiences and interactions. Literally going around the world and consuming various sensations. His eyes were processing different colors and shapes, his tongue was tasting different flavors, his ears were hearing different sounds, his skin was feeling different textures, his nose smelling different scents.

How big of a difference can changing the sensory input make, ultimately? I don't think it really does make much difference in the end, aside from adding to a more varied storehouse of memories. It's why the novelty of material things and changes always wears off. It's stimulating for a time but very soon needs to be replaced.

Neither sensory stimulation nor memories are particularly important for me so I tend to feel a disconnect while watching that kind of content (or just engaging with much of the human population). I watched and on an ego level felt some envy and desire but I was also considering how fleeting it must be, and how frustrating to seek happiness through those things. I think that's at least partly why the digital nomad vlogger types are always going from one thing to the next, seemingly without break or end. Never satisfied, never quite there. Traveling and experiencing the world seem to be elements of the hamster wheel upon which they chase the elusive shadow of happiness. Other common elements I've noticed are productivity, achievement, self improvement, minimalism, healthy lifestyles, meditation, psychedelics, spirituality and philosophy (all of which I've either adopted or considered over the years on my own wheel). For some it's money, art, food, movies, all kinds of things, and all are expressions of the same impulse to seek happiness and fulfillment via the external world/sensory data.

Tonight I joined this meditation and sharing group with about 10 other people, most of whom were decades older than me. And for a few minutes, I found happiness there. So utterly simple, unexciting, effortless and accessible to me right here and now, at no cost. I found contentment, peace and gratitude. I found completion and love. Something as simple as sitting silently, listening and sharing, and I arrived. Happy and at ease in myself and life. I didn't need to find it, it just showed up while I was doing something I was enjoying without any expectation that it make me happy. And soon enough, the old thoughts came back and the happiness receded once more.

My attention still gets pulled out there the majority of the time, to the grand adventures and pursuits. And that's all lovely but doesn't seem mandatory at all for happiness. That's wherever I am, just waiting for me to quiet down and let it in.

On the other hand however, there is something to be said for fearlessly going for what you want and expressing yourself openly along the way. That also seems to play a large part in an overall sense of happiness - not feeling limited or held back. So the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. Not necessarily "out there" but also not confined.