timing

When it comes down to it, insight and understanding are matters of grace more than personal will. I can meditate all I want and it doesn't necessarily mean something will happen. It also doesn't mean that something isn't happening outside of my awareness. I just can't know ahead of time. Things appear and shift in awareness when and as they do, not when I want them to.

I don't know what's best. All I can do is stumble forward and experiment, trusting that something inside me has the required intelligence and capacity to guide my behavior and activate insight when the time comes. Something beyond my conditioned thinking and research. Whatever it is that opens the door to sudden and unexpected illumination. Whatever it is that guides me to do whatever it is that I've apparently chosen to do.