An Overview

This is a refined repost. Complex trauma, it turns out, is very difficult to heal from.

I have experienced a lot of pain.

Each entry will be an authentic and genuine attempt to make sense of any of the infinite things that seem to be keeping me stuck; and the unfoldings of whatever my life becomes along this timeline. It will quickly become evident how abnormally fast things seem to change in my life. As soon as I begin to catch up, I realise everything is just suddenly different. 

The hard lessons that I can find the words for:

• Ignorance is bliss. When you're living unconsciously, everything is good - for most people that is the case right up until the moment that everything is so bad you have no choice but to wake up.

• The often dismissed or disregarded “cliche” that nothing lasts forever; and that everything can be taken from you without warning — deserves every piece of acknowledgement you’re capable of giving it.

• I learned that a persons capacity for evil cannot be predicted by their behaviour; no matter how well you think you know them. 

• That the decisions which determine life or death are not held by any higher power, but in the hands of the person standing before you.

• That even if you’re begging for help for the first time in your life; no-one is obligated to answer. And usually they wont.

It is an unfortunate fact that within the most helpless, mentally damaging events of our lives that we will find ourselves completely, absolutely, alone.