journal, day 7

10:22am
Woke up at 6:30! Even if I don't wake up exactly then, I still wake up pretty early. The game I talked about yesterday, takes place in ww2 era, 1944. I thought I was wrong.

So, I think I'm going to rewatch this, there's a lot that I missed or just was not paying the most attention to.

12:54pm
Finished up therapy! I almost made a new journal entry on accident. That being said I am very surprised I was called gentle and compassionate.

I don't really often hear myself described that way by people other than friends on occasion. I thought they said that type of stuff out of obligation honestly. Maybe, my mom is just wrong about me.

4:17pm
I've been editing a character to look like one of my headmates for a little bit now. I have youtube on as background noise but the video I'm watching is a really nice one. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcbEiZQ9B7o
They talk about the social conception of love and how it exist modernly. I think this video heavily sums up part of why I am aromantic. The other part being, I just don't feel romantic attraction. That doesn't mean I don't love people though. I really love my partner a lot, more than I do most people.

8:18pm
I want to replace my bed with one of those really huge bean bags, I can probably find one. My friend is going to send me a brand he has.

10:33pm
I really want to decorate my own room. I wish we had a permanent house to move into, I really don't like the continuous moving from house to house we've done since I was a kid. It isn't really ideal and it makes it really hard to call a place home when that's what a majority of the places we've moved to consist of. We stay there for about two years and then leave. The house we've lived in is the longest we've lived in any house I think and it's almost been like five years. I don't like moving very much. I just kind of want a real house to live in.

We have to move out of this one too because it didn't pass inspection and I was genuinely just getting used to actually living here. I probably should not have done that. I just want a room that's actually my own room to do things with. I can't paint the walls, I'm not supposed to nail things up, etc. I'm not supposed to do that stuff or else my mom might not get her security money back.

Those are the main things I want to do. I can always stuff in and out of this room but the walls are bare and they're always going to look like that. The only thing I really have to call my own is stuff. I want an actual room that I don't have to move out of in a year or two. It isn't very fun to have to leave everything and it feels like starting over every single time. I can't decorate how I actually want to in any of the houses we move into. I really hate moving and I hate living in rented houses w/ government assistance and I hate being afraid to decorate how I want to.

3/4/22