11-26-21

we're all busy bargaining for another day
doing things materially
and in the aether synergistically
we're left to deal with that bargaining
when we're alone
that time when just enough nothing is happening and one can

think

when laying in bed
processing the vibe around
and either planning for bargaining for the next day

or bargaining with oneself to justify the bargains that brought us to now

a moment when one stops and questions the events of one's existence

is this a thing the regulars experience?

we experience this repeatedly

we can never be quite sure what our state is
with respect to the world
there are too many variables
when other consciousness is introduced

as much as we want predictability
from other beings
many tend to act erratically
and often without thought to the world around them

another thing we can't comprehend
we overanalyze everything around us
extensively
until the brain gives up

shutting down functional abilities
going into emergency override
where we cease to exist within this world
and float off into the firmament

basic functioning
still in tact
fae is breathing
faer eyes are blinking
fae is unresponsive

there is a realm
where things are being perceived
that cannot be sensed
in physical space by another

whole worlds are built
consciousness is realized
narratives are produced
epistemology is explored
shards of souls are touched

but in there
the only surprises are good
production value is unimportant
bodily limits are superceded
existentialism is uncomplicated
loneliness and touch starvation go on holiday

time ceases to be a traitor

this is the grove we retreat to
when all things physical
are unimportant enough to be ignored

whether that's reality or not
it doesn't matter
it's understood that it is safe
a refuge
from the perpetual worry

that a physical being
has to realize
has to cope
has to adjust
has to react
has to

bargain

now imagine this phenomenon
but happening with abandon
without a choice

and not just when
in a bed

no possible étiquette for what time
what place
what people
what environment
what situation

is this a thing the regulars experience

then the constant dilemma
when it's not happening
of when it will happen again
it's unsurprising that anxiety is in control
some minutes? some hours? some days?

who knows how long autopilot has even lasted before
who knows when autopilot will be available
who knows if any energy will be dispensed
any effort be made
any events just pass by

we likely won't

and then we have to be in the world
to pick up the pieces
to clear the destruction
from our mental disappearance

until the next Time

is this a thing the regulars experience