11-22-21

ahhhhhhhhhhhbhhhhbhhbb

all i wanted was pizza

all i wanted

stress anxiety day

at least most of therapy was good
only shaking and anxiety
and now i don't even know what i talked about today
i wish i could remember
i think i only talked about 10% of the things i wanted to
i guess i just talked about shit
i hugged zephyr the whole time
rocking back and forth
in the waiting area she says she liked my shoes
i too like my shoes
the only thing i could figure out to talk about them was that they were on sale

why
idk what one replies to interactifs like this
all i took away was that i reacted so awkwardly and i zoned out

she knew that i wasn't really a person
i was just playing one on tv

I'm so tired
i wish my sessions were like 5 hours longer because it feels cathartic
i literally just rambled and they just reassured me

that was the best
it's so simple
très simple
but just that amount of being validated is something i wish i could turn into a drug
would it be addiction
or would it be how life is supposed to be in the first place

now it turns out one has to be around people to do this
but I'm so afraid of being inadequate
and judged early

i rarely talk first
just staying in my head

maybe that's why i stopped creating
because I might be perceived
when I'd rather disappear into space
crafting my own narrative
coping

so tired