paranoid paranoid paranoid paranoid why did u say all those things to many things for so soon this is literally going to be the reason u get abandoned again tooo many deep thoughts went too hard on that first one there oh shit why did i say all those things what even is my brain why does it have to be this way shitty shitty shitty shitty too much trauma so little time too much madness it's not going to be fine ever this is how it will be until you die is like one time you figured out how to deal...
i think December just gets to be perpetually shitty in my brain
it's all just decaying
breaking out as many of the maladaptive coping skills as i can to dig out of this mind hole
it's supposed to be all
happy family time
and I'm just trying
to ruin everything on purpose (i know that's a cognitive distortion)
(i don't functionally have control of what the awful anxiety inducing images and feelings and voices tell me)
sometimes i need to make it stop now
or i might just do something mo...