Note 42

I've thought about it a little bit more, and to be honest I'm lost. I already know that there's no one who has all the answers, or that will give me a golden ticket. I understand this. But damn if I wish that could happen to me. I just want someone to take a chance on me, give me an opportunity at a higher level, and I'll do everything else from there. Issue with that is, I know I wouldn't have technically earned it. I would have gotten extremely lucky. But after hearing so many stories of how people have risen through the ranks, it seems like everyone has gotten lucky. Only people that really must have the skills to back it up are the players. Maybe that's just me as an outsider. Perhaps everyone has poured hours into their craft, and thus they've earned their position. I can't help but feel like a lot of people just got lucky though, especially when they tell me they got lucky.

Maybe my expectations are too high, maybe I'm not approaching this correctly, I don't know. I wish someone had the answers, but no one does.

I really feel lost.