Note 43

It's been quite some time. It honestly feels bad only coming to write when I feel sad or some extreme emotion. Unfortunately, this is another one of those times. I've calculated my path to graduating, and I could theoretically be done in just a few more months. That's extremely terrifying to someone who has absolutely no clue what they're going to do after college. I'm faced with real world consequences and real world events. I don't know if I'll be able to find a "regular" job after this. My friends will get some 6 figure job at a company who would pay a lot for someone of their caliber. While I'm struggling to get anything at all. I don't know what to do.

Maybe it'll all be fine. I'm still in my early 20's, and I do have my whole life ahead of me. But I can't deny that it does hurt right now. I feel ashamed that I've wasted so much money on a degree that won't help me land a job.

I've been thinking that if I could do any career in the world, what would I choose? I've thought about this question a lot. And ultimately, I have no idea right now. I've thought about the things I've enjoyed in the past and why that was, but I can't think of anything that combines them. And that makes me worried. Usually it'd be expected that you have some sort of passion, but everything just seems half-baked to me. It's like I'm just wandering around aimlessly, not having any real impact on anything.

I'm just worried.