Note 53
June 8, 2024•181 words
Yeah, it didn't end up going my way.
I'm not really sure what's next. I'm terrified. This is the first time in my life that there's no clear next step. What the ABSOLUTE FUCK am I supposed to do now.
Career wise I'm not sure if continuing this computer science route is for me. It's a creative outlet for math-y folks. I am someone who answers questions not creates them. I think I will become a Physicians Assistant or Doctor, surgical or internal. The more I think on it, the more I think I am not meant to be a software engineer. I like solving problems but these aren't problems I'd be solving, it's creative problem solving. Solving by creating. Not solving by "solving" or something like that. I don't know what the word for it is.
I think the question is just do I want to want to wait 8 or 4 years before actually doing real work. God I'm so terrified of whats to come. Can't even say I'm looking forward to it yet. I'm still so so scared.