Note 57

In my junior year of college, I had a friend who after some heavy contemplation decided to quit the esports team and completely stop playing video games. I think I'm about to do the same thing. But this fucking sucks. If I had graduated a couple of years ago then I likely wouldn't have had this hard of a time finding a job. Or if I had just actually tried to find an internship while in school instead of winging it every year. But now that I'm at home I cannot go a single day without some argument with my mother and honestly the only thing I can really point to is video games. So if I want to move onto the next stage in my life I think cutting it out completely is probably the only thing I can do. But holy shit does this suck. It's probably the one thing I really love. If I can't help but find myself continuously arguing with my mom about things that, at their root cause, are due to me playing games then I should just quit. I think if I don't get this internship with this esports team then I'll just sell off my pc. It's probably for the better. It just breaks my fucking heart.

I also think I need an adhd and depression check but I think that's for another time.