Note 81

it has been some time. In that time I have traveled a bit, seen some friends, and gotten accepted into my pre med program. I was quite happy and relieved when it happened but after a month of not really taking much action I'm honestly more worried than anything. Honestly the program feels more like a cash grab than anything and although it will support me academically, it doesn't really do much outside of that. Just like my undergrad, I feel like there's so much more placed upon myself to get to where I need to be. Which is fair I suppose, but it would be nice if these things were better set up so not as much needs to go into it.

Perhaps that's just me being lazy. I applied to a job in San Diego to maybe avoid medical school altogether. It would be working for a friend's relatively established startup handling more their backend logistics and day to day. Having a conversation with my mom, she obviously wants me to prioritize this career path of becoming a doctor because she doesn't want me to feel like I'm bowing my head trying to work at a startup again. And truthfully, I think she's right to try and push me into this great school i've gotten into and just work my ass off to get into medical school. But I REALLY want to fucking live in socal. Like I doubt anything about my day to day or friendships or anything like that changes. Quite honestly I bet i'll still be more of a shut in and just go to work -> gym -> game -> sleep. But it's nice to have the option of meeting my friends and going out and just being in a place where I CAN do that. Whereas here at home, I really can't. And my options are quite limited.

Obviously I haven't even gotten the job nor do I really expect to. But I have been holding off on progressing in my medical journey. Mostly because I'm a bit scared and lazy. I will say that I'm not sure if medicine is right for me, but honestly I know that it's likely to be the path of least resistance when it comes to finding positions or getting lucky with things. I can't explain why I feel this way, it's just something that I know is true.

The trouble is that I know I can succeed and do well in this possible job. I also know I can succeed and do well in this path to become a doctor. Frankly speaking, at this current point in time I am more enticed by the opportunity to grow this company and see my salary and role grow with it, especially because I know some people who are there already. There's less unknowns about the people and more about whether I'll be successful. The opposite is true about the path to becoming a doctor. It's going to be long and quite lonely to be honest. And that doesn't really appeal to me, at least the latter part. If faced with the option, I'm not sure which one to pick.

Help.