I Can't Seem to Shake This Idea

The idea that everyone, everywhere, whatever it is that they are doing

hates what they're doing

it bothers me. i can't seem to shake this idea. it haunts me. i believe it is one of the largest barriers i need to cross in order to move forward in this world and collaborate with other humans.


let's forget for a moment, the fact that we all need income to survive in this world.

this idea mostly manifests itself in certain character archetypes and at its most basic, it is someone who is just doing a job.

they are not here because it is their passion, or out of pure altruism, they are there for the paycheck. simple. classic. their work has nothing to do with what their passions are. i.e. they work at starbucks and go home every night and write poetry or make music, or DJ at a nightclub.

i feel guilty

then there are the people who are there because they love the idea of what they are doing, the overall concept, maybe the field that they are in, but they do not like the position that they are currently in.

i.e. you don't just go to hollywood and become big shot director, you are probably gonna be a PA on some shitty gigs for a while.

you're not gonna be big shot record producer at the studio, you're probably gonna be making snack runs for the artists at 2am.

for me, the distance between one's present form and their final form doesn't even have to be that great. even someone who is living a great life, in a position that is highly sought after, that most would kill to be in. but somehow they are still not where they want to be?

i feel guilty

At this present stage of my life i feel as though the chances i will catch someone - in the wild - doing something that they legitimately enjoy, is extremely rare. i.e. they are enjoying themselves so much, and are so self-realized in this moment, that if they died right then, they would die happy.

and for sure, it can be easy to get caught up in the moment and enjoy what one is doing, there are spurts where light shines through, but are they truly happy?

if not

i feel guilty asking anything of them

how can i work with someone who isn't 1000% devoted and enjoy what they do? i immediately feel guilt asking them to do anything, because i know what it's like to do work that you are not passionate about. i know that this is unrealistic.

and then i remembered. wait a minute. i have been this person. i have done many many bullshits in my life, but was still driven forward by some mysterious force, and no one every apologized for asking things of me.

I think most of this is just self projection. i.e. i haven't found true happiness in what i do, so i assume others don't as well.


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