J

Jazmyne Octavio

I am a human that wants to be a robot

Passion

I learned what passion is tonight. At least what passion feels like It’s… Something like when you’re entire body gets charged up, and you are using all your limbs to express yourself But then I was told, don’t confuse Passion with Adrenaline Ok ...
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Conversation

Me: “so your living out here now?” Person: “yea I’ve been here for 8 years” Me: “ah” ...
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Do you think I enjoy being dirt?

Fuck no I want to be a plant A fucking tree A blossoming fuckall Ok cool But who doesn’t want that? How will I achieve? I DONT KNOW ...
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I am dirt

Why do I think so lowly of myself? I look around at my peers who seem to be growing, and taking the necessary steps I used to not care Keep my blinders on and focus on what I am doing I can’t even comprehend why I am writing this Normal Ryan wouldn’t be this low I am so low I am in the ground Bones in the dirt ...
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Party

I’m at another party Drinking warm Campari This is the last time I’ll feel sorry- For myself. It’s time I come off the shelf I want you to read me Drop out of college Fuck my knowledge ...
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Waiting

I lay here wasting away Waiting for a hand to come down from the sky And lift me to a better place In the meantime I’ll read. Place the book back on it’s shelf It tells of a mind that thinks about itself Knowing myself seems to not help In fact I’d like to become ignorant, knowledge is hell The sanctity of my insanity. I pray for calamity, oh, have I lost my humanity? Off into the ether these words go, affecting who? I don’t know. I should be grateful, but most days I am hateful to a prese...
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I had a dream that I was making food with Jeff Bezos, and then realized I was actually in a reality cooking show called “Chef Bezos”

It mostly consisted of us whispering and talking shit on him while prepping the ingredients, and then him in the background going “I heard that” ...
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I Can't Seem to Shake This Idea

The idea that everyone, everywhere, whatever it is that they are doing hates what they're doing it bothers me. i can't seem to shake this idea. it haunts me. i believe it is one of the largest barriers i need to cross in order to move forward in this world and collaborate with other humans. ~ let's forget for a moment, the fact that we all need income to survive in this world. this idea mostly manifests itself in certain character archetypes and at its most basic, it is someone who is jus...
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Rules of Depression (work in progress)

I will be updating this list of discoveries during this awful state I am in. This only applies to my experience so don’t take it as bible Moving around (in any form) usually helps. Doing the thing that you know you shouldn’t be doing, feels really good, for the time being. Then you feel terrible again. The threshold of doing that thing that makes you sad is very easy to cross. It's almost effortless. Reading old things you’ve written seems to help in the short term. No new object or objects wi...
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Having an AI elaborate on "I think, therefore I am"

Here are my attempts to have the AI elaborate upon the phrase "I think, therefore I am". Maybe there are some insights that it can share that we are not aware of. How this works, is that i give the AI the phrase, and then quite literally tell it to complete it, or elaborate on it. I used various models from OpenAI, including davinci, curie, and babbage. The AI's completion is in **bold. I think therefore I am This is a great phrase to say to yourself in order to feel self-confident and...
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Movie Idea

Write a script he said. Write your movie? What movie? What have I got to offer the world? I can’t tell stories? I'm not even interested in what it means to be human.  I don’t really like humans. To be honest. But how can I say that? I am human for one. I interact with humans almost every day. Almost. Well recently I’ve been interacting more with myself. I'm afraid of humans.  I'm afraid of being loved by someone.  I'm afraid of having a real connection. I'm afraid of friendship. I don’t even ...
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Self Talk

The following is a transcript of a conversation I had with myself over text: testbot, [May 22, 2022 at 11:31:41 PM]: ok. lets start the conversation with yourself 🔵 you: hi 🟢 you: how are you? 🔵 you: im ok how are you? 🟢 you: ive been better 🔵 you: oh im sorry to hear that, when was the last time you felt good? 🟢 you: hmm, maybe a few days ago i cant remember 🔵 you: what were you doing 🟢 you: i have no fucking clue every day seems to blur together 🔵 you: you need to get some grasp on reality 🟢...
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Note 33

everyone but me seems to be on the come up, please keep reading as i start to drum up some excuse as to why i am not in my flow– BY NOW YOU SHOULD KNOW i have strayed from my path, a path that was never mine to walk a path already trodden with footsteps whats wrong with me? Take your best guess I cannot seem to parse the sparse ideas that come and go BY NOW YOU SHOULD KNOW everyone's on the come up but me i thought it would be easier to see but like the foggy hill that i climb, is it time to tu...
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Nothing

Nothing inspiring these synapses ain’t firing What the hell is blocking me from getting to my destiny Where is that art juice I need to be struggling If you don’t use it you lose it so get the water boiling - Feels like my whole life, I’ve been asleep now I wake up asking what was my dream Spend so much time getting lost in my mind What’s it all for, just a long endless grind - But I don’t lose hope, this is such a beautiful place just get out of your head and fly a rocket to space Look b...
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You Are What You Eat

You are what you eat, Binge, consume go to sleep, Please Wake up brush your teeth And prepare to repeat - This world is kinda loopy, it makes me sick inside It feels like a rollercoaster that you never asked to ride The only way off is to take a giant leap But always remember - You are what you eat Endless scrolling of my feed Please get out of my head It’s a never ending thread - Your ideas are not mine Yet they still waste my time It is what it is, break me out of this shit - I see a ...
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If I Just Let My Mind Wander, How Far Will It Go?

If I just let my mind wonder, how far will it go? The man was eating rice in the window. I looked throw, cupping my hands on the glass. It was cold outside and there was condensation fogging up the window. I tapped on the glass to get his attention. He startled, flinching in his chair, as rice bounced out of his bowl, into the air, and back into the bowl. He turned to me, squinting at first, and then he reached for glasses in his front shirt pocket. He seemed to have a friendly disposition...
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The Game of My Fucking Life

I am pseudo smart Pseudo intellectual Pseudo strategic I don’t think ahead I want to win I am a fucking idiot I want to be dumb How do I know I’m smart? I wanna die I was humiliated I’m used to winning I hate when I lose I need to lose I’m sitting on the sidelines The only way to win is not to play right? ...
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I’m Uncomfortable with Being Comfortable Being Uncomfortable...

When does one lose their drive? Their passion? Do I have a passion? I’m not sure that I do. I know I can be passionate about things…About doing things… But what is that singular thing that propels me through the universe? Do I need one? I’m grasping for something, some sort of control over my life. I’ve lived vicariously through others art and projects for my entire life. Why am I afraid to live my own life? I want to stand apart so that I can stand together and collaborate with others, b...
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This is a note

This is a note At approx 2:35am I’m at a party What am I supposed to be doing with my hands? Everyone’s talking to each other but I am a part of no conversations Do I smell bad? Do they know something I don’t? Like what am I doing wrong? Every party is like I don’t exist Am I expecting something to happen? Like what do I Do With My Hands I feel disconnected Not in flow I guess this is natural I’m not doing anything of importance Cause other wise people would want to talk to...
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Comparative Advantage

I realize now that I shoud Labor fallacy Kosis stescilastic mit conputer The best designed systems take into account who will game your system ...
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Personal Theory of Everything

I've started my own personal wiki. In other words a personal catalog of knowledge. I'd like to think that I have a somewhat increasingly valuable pool of knowledge. It's my own personal "theory of everything". It's a theory only I can make, as it stems from my personal experiences in life, so it is somewhat unique. It's not so much knowledge as it is [connections/relationships/etc] A human is good a pattern recognition, and finding the connections between things. I will see different pa...
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The age of mARTketing

I think artists as we know them are becoming extinct. People know longer need to look up to mega-artists for cues or inspiration, because at any given time you can find thousands of just-as-talented artists doing crazy things somewhere on the internet. The product is the only real thing that seems to matter in the end. How hard is it to get noticed as an artist? At this point being an artist is nothing special, they are a dime a dozen right? It seems to be more virtuous to know how to "mark...
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The Age of Ghosting

I have unlimited knowledge at my finger tips. If I bored of my present situation, career, job, etc. I can go online and find something better. I can learn it. Start doing it. But it seems increasingly difficult to get anything actually done. ...
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Fake Death

I like to imagine that there’s a small organization out there. It’s a nameless, faceless, shadowy Knights-of-Templar kinda thing that exists for one purpose: When a public figure crosses the “threshold” of influence on the public zeitgeist, this organization comes in and helps remove you from public existence. It is not forceful, or perhaps it is. It’s more of an initiation if you will. A rite of passage. Like, congratulations you’ve made it to this elite level. The reasoning for designin...
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Source

when i look at things on the internet now, it's hard for me to tell where they are from. In other words, usually things are presented without context. i look at any given piece of content, say, on youtube. maybe its a meme. theres a song in the video. there are various people, images, etc. I have no idea if this is original material, if its remixed, etc. At some point, you can't know. The meme has become so abstracted from it's original form, that the only possible way to know what t...
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Forgot

honestly i forgot the purpose of this was. It's a training dataset for my writing and personality. I need to feed it much more if it's going to make any sense at all. ...
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Growth

what is this idea of infinite growth? infinite profits? infinite popularity? what happens when you achieve that? "they" say that you never make it. ok. ...
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Quantum

Are quantum computers basically just really advanced frequency analyzers? Like each qbit represents a single sine wave that you tune to create the correct harmonics with whatever you're trying to find? ...
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Change

How will this change us? Psychologically? How we view our fellow humans on a daily basis? Will we whittle our basic interactions down to lessen our contact and exposure? Will we unconsciously keep a distance of 6 feet from each other even though the likely hold of that doing anything is small? The fallout from this is way worse on a psychological level than a physical level. In my humble opinion. I feel like there is an imaginary force field around me, everyone looking at each other with ...
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Control

It overwhelms me everyday when I realize how tremendously out of control we are. And out of touch. When I say we, I’m generalizing. The average western human? We don’t have enough brain space to imagine or care about the systems controlling our every move. People are just trying to survive, and don’t typically care about where their “data is being hosted” or “why the YouTube algorithm is showing me this video” Have we given up? Is it too large for us to comprehend? Why is the internet i...
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