J

Jazmyne Octavio

I am a human that wants to be a robot

Note 33

everyone but me seems to be on the come up,
please keep reading as i start to drum up some excuse
as to why i am not in my flow–
BY NOW YOU SHOULD KNOW
i have strayed from my path,
a path that was never mine to walk
a path already trodden with footsteps
whats wrong with me? Take your best guess
I cannot seem to parse the sparse ideas that come and go
BY NOW YOU SHOULD KNOW
everyone's on the come up but me
i thought it would be easier to see
but like the foggy hill that i climb,
is it time
to turn around?
and go back down?
can i no longer grow?
BY NOW YOU SHOULD KNOW

Nothing

Nothing inspiring these synapses ain’t firing
What the hell is blocking me from getting to my destiny

Where is that art juice I need to be struggling
If you don’t use it you lose it so get the water boiling

-

Feels like my whole life, I’ve been asleep
now I wake up asking what was my dream
Spend so much time getting lost in my mind
What’s it all for, just a long endless grind

-

But I don’t lose hope, this is such a beautiful place
just get out of your head and fly a rocket to space

Look back on the planet with your clean eyes
You might see the true beauty, to your own demise

Come back down to earth and get back in my bubble
It’s comfortable here I guess that’s the true struggle

Crack open my soul I’m more delicate than I thought
I should have listened to you right from the start

It’s no matter I’ll find my own way
pick up the pieces and just fly away

You Are What You Eat

You are what you eat,
Binge, consume go to sleep,
Please Wake up brush your teeth
And prepare to repeat

-

This world is kinda loopy, it makes me sick inside
It feels like a rollercoaster that you never asked to ride
The only way off is to take a giant leap
But always remember

-

You are what you eat
Endless scrolling of my feed
Please get out of my head
It’s a never ending thread

-

Your ideas are not mine
Yet they still waste my time
It is what it is,
break me out of this shit

-

I see a lot of people content with where they are
But I was always told to shoot for the stars
Just because you fail does not mean defeat
But always remember

-

You are what you eat
I eat veggies no more meat

If I Just Let My Mind Wander, How Far Will It Go?

If I just let my mind wonder, how far will it go?

The man was eating rice in the window. I looked throw, cupping my hands on the glass. It was cold outside and there was condensation fogging up the window. I tapped on the glass to get his attention. He startled, flinching in his chair, as rice bounced out of his bowl, into the air, and back into the bowl.

He turned to me, squinting at first, and then he reached for glasses in his front shirt pocket. He seemed to have a friendly disposition, as if it was no bother that I had suddenly perturbed him from his meal.

He motioned me to come hither, his bony finger oscillating back and forth. As there were no actual walls in whatever place this was, I simply walked around to face him.

With the same hand that motioned me to come over, he turned his palm to face me, and then emitted some force power to lift my body up in the air. He then shot me away into the sky at super sonic speeds.

I looked down at the world below as the tiny scene of the man and his rice and the window vanished.

The world was a white void. I had no frame of reference for where I was going.

I then blasted through what seemed to be a panel in some sort of dome like structure that was containing this white void.

Was it painful?

No. Not as much as I thought.

What happened next?

The Game of My Fucking Life

I am pseudo smart
Pseudo intellectual
Pseudo strategic
I don’t think ahead
I want to win
I am a fucking idiot
I want to be dumb
How do I know I’m smart?
I wanna die
I was humiliated
I’m used to winning
I hate when I lose
I need to lose
I’m sitting on the sidelines
The only way to win is not to play right?

I’m Uncomfortable with Being Comfortable Being Uncomfortable...

When does one lose their drive? Their passion?
Do I have a passion? I’m not sure that I do.
I know I can be passionate about things…About doing things…
But what is that singular thing that propels me through the universe? Do I need one?

I’m grasping for something, some sort of control over my life.

I’ve lived vicariously through others art and projects for my entire life.

Why am I afraid to live my own life?

I want to stand apart so that I can stand together and collaborate with others, because that’s the proven method in creation.

One can go it alone, but it simply takes more time, more energy, less iterations and more focus on superfluous detail, loss of the vision/the bigger picture.

What is this roadblock that prevents me from diversifying my portfolio?

Some people say I enjoy being the smartest person in the room, or that I want to be the smartest person in the room.

This will obviously be my downfall.

How do I reset my fucking brain

Mental gymnastics
I thought the brain was plastic
Every neuron dies
Slowly as it calcifies
Rip it out my skull
Smash it against the hull
It’s My christening,
But I’m not listening
to anyone
because
I think
I have all the answers
YOU AINT GOT THE ANSWERS

Is it cancer? This unexplainable feeling
Should I take some time for healing?

This is a note

This is a note
At approx 2:35am

I’m at a party
What am I supposed to be doing with my hands?

Everyone’s talking to each other but I am a part of no conversations

Do I smell bad?

Do they know something I don’t?

Like what am I doing wrong?

Every party is like I don’t exist

Am I expecting something to happen?

Like what do I

Do

With

My

Hands

I feel disconnected

Not in flow

I guess this is natural

I’m not doing anything of importance
Cause other wise people would want to talk to me

Simplify

KISS

Become recognizable.

Comparative Advantage

I realize now that I shoud

Labor fallacy
Kosis stescilastic mit conputer

The best designed systems take into account who will game your system

Personal Theory of Everything

I've started my own personal wiki. In other words a personal catalog of knowledge.

I'd like to think that I have a somewhat increasingly valuable pool of knowledge. It's my own personal "theory of everything".

It's a theory only I can make, as it stems from my personal experiences in life, so it is somewhat unique.

It's not so much knowledge as it is [connections/relationships/etc] A human is good a pattern recognition, and finding the connections between things.

I will see different patterns and make different connections than someone else, and that knowledge is only accessible in my head.

I think every human in life should make their own "theory of everything"

And maybe every 100 years, we collect everyone's theories and compare them against each other. Maybe run them thru some AI that can gleam some special data from a cross examination.

Maybe that's how we further the human race and figure out what we're all meant to do.

Because what if I were to die? than my knowledge/theory would be lost forever.

So this way, i will put in my will the location of my personal Wiki, so that when I die, someone will find it, and maybe they can add some stuff to their own personal "theory of everything"

The age of mARTketing

I think artists as we know them are becoming extinct.

People know longer need to look up to mega-artists for cues or inspiration, because at any given time you can find thousands of just-as-talented artists doing crazy things somewhere on the internet.

The product is the only real thing that seems to matter in the end.

How hard is it to get noticed as an artist?
At this point being an artist is nothing special, they are a dime a dozen right?

It seems to be more virtuous to know how to "market" the art, than to actually make it.

Steve jobs once said:

"...the people that can make the company more successful are sales and marketing people. And they end up running the companies. And the product people get driven out of the decision-making forums. And the companies forget what it means to make great products. "

The Age of Ghosting

I have unlimited knowledge at my finger tips.

If I bored of my present situation, career, job, etc. I can go online and find something better.

I can learn it.

Start doing it.

But it seems increasingly difficult to get anything actually done.

Fake Death

I like to imagine that there’s a small organization out there. It’s a nameless, faceless, shadowy Knights-of-Templar kinda thing that exists for one purpose:

When a public figure crosses the “threshold” of influence on the public zeitgeist, this organization comes in and helps remove you from public existence.

It is not forceful, or perhaps it is. It’s more of an initiation if you will. A rite of passage.

Like, congratulations you’ve made it to this elite level.

The reasoning for designing ones death, is that when a figure crosses that “threshold” it is no longer practical (or responsible) for them to be making decisions under the extreme pressures that come with influencing the zeitgeist.

In theory, if they are dead, they can lead better in the shadows, and theirs legacy lives on.

To me this seems practical. Like why wouldn’t you do it this way? Why have the pressures of being alive when you can be dead but still reap all the benefits of power?

Source

when i look at things on the internet now, it's hard for me to tell where they are from.

In other words, usually things are presented without context.

i look at any given piece of content, say, on youtube. maybe its a meme.

theres a song in the video. there are various people, images, etc.

I have no idea if this is original material, if its remixed, etc. At some point, you can't know.

The meme has become so abstracted from it's original form, that the only possible way to know what the original source is by scrubbing thru the comment section, hoping the internet collective conscious has the answer.

On tik tok, it seems like it doesn't care who made the song. usually it's not even apparent. the song itself has been commodified to serve one purpose.

it's these layers of abstraction.

its only going to increase, right?

the source material no longer matters, but its how it changes thru time. there will be no history books on memes, because each mean would require a history book.

Where is the meme version tracker? the github for memes?

humans can only hold a finite amount of information in their heads, let alone the original sources and context of any given piece of information

Forgot

honestly i forgot the purpose of this was. It's a training dataset for my writing and personality. I need to feed it much more if it's going to make any sense at all.

Growth

what is this idea of infinite growth? infinite profits? infinite popularity? what happens when you achieve that?

"they" say that you never make it.

ok.

Quantum

Are quantum computers basically just really advanced frequency analyzers?

Like each qbit represents a single sine wave that you tune to create the correct harmonics with whatever you're trying to find?