screens

Reflecting on my relationship with technology. It started with the TV and games, then moved to PC and then to the phone. I think for me these things ended up serving mainly as emotional escapes/substitutes. The screens pulled me out of my reality and into virtual ones where I was able to escape my immediate circumstances (and my feelings) for a time and enter other worlds. Worlds where mistakes had no real consequences and where I could feel capable, omniscient and safe.

The main issues now are the magnitude of lost time along with the compulsiveness of it. It's been an ongoing challenge not to get sucked in against my will. I might forget to eat or do other necessary things because of how engrossed I can get in the screens. Can I really say that I'm doing this intentionally? That this is how I'm choosing to live?

The screentime and other compulsions serve as virtual substitutes for real things. They're like the empty calorie versions of what could be wholesome meals. So the way to reduce the pull from them is to fill my time with the real versions of those things that can actually provide nourishment rather than just temporary satiation. To focus on creating rather than losing myself in the creations of others. And in time, to resolve the underlying feelings which continue to stir up this restlessness and unease.