routines

Been getting back into self-care and growth routines lately. The prospect tends to feel arduous when I slip into slugmode but I feel so much better when I do. Body feels limber, mood noticably lifts, lethargy disappears and energy returns. I still dawdle and take way too long to get through it but hopefully with time that reduces. Eventually I want to start waking up at sunrise so I can move through at a relaxed pace before starting the day. Luckily the evening routine is quick but it can feel harder because of the siren call from comfy bed. I think I made it simple enough though, we'll see if it sticks.

I tried eating meals mindfully without doing anything else but I don't think I'm quite there yet. Mind's still too hungry for stimulation. Right now I watch things while I eat but I'm going to give it a bit and then shift to reading a book. Gotta take baby steps. Hopefully one day I can drop that too and really just fully enjoy one thing at a time without feeling agitated. Transcend this perpetually divided hamster wheel existence.

Ultimately I hope to someday not need these routines at all. I see it as a period of increased effort to reach an eventual state of ease and flow. Most of it is to counteract the damaging behaviours, habits, addictions and coping mechanisms accumulated from decades of ignorance and pain. It's to make room for that pain to emerge and finally be processed and released. The more it does, the less (I suspect) I'll need the routines. And the more I'll be able to just be and be okay.