distortions

The inner growth process seems to operate in stages, at least in my experience. In each stage there's something within that's calling for awareness and integration. During this time, it has a sort of gravitational pull in which it consumes a lot of energy and attention while the body/mind works towards greater awareness and eventual integration. At the moment of sufficient comprehension, there's a release as the psychic compound is finally successfully integrated. At that moment, it's almost as if it dissolves. It becomes just another aspect of self/life that requires no conscious thought or attention. This frees up the attention and energy that was formerly preoccupied, with awareness experienced as increasingly present and serene with each release.

Inner growth can be paradoxical because most of it revolves around areas in the psyche that were damaged or distorted at some point. Growth therefore tends to be a working backwards, an unraveling, a dissolving of foreign matter rather than the adding of something new.

It seems to work similar to physical wounds. When we get a cut for example, we get pain signals that draw our attention to the wound. These signals typically don't recede until the wound heals. During that time, some of our attention is continually on the damaged part as we continue to feel the pain. Once it heals however, that location of the body is essentially forgotten as it now just operates as it should. It's similar with psychic wounds, only here the pain is emotional. Like physical pain it can range anywhere from intense and searing to a subtle feeling that something is off. This is a sign that something in the psyche needs resolving. Until it is, the emotional pain will continue and attention and energy will be drawn towards it, often in the form of thoughts that continuously circle around certain memories, limiting beliefs, traumas and scenarios. Once the distortion is sufficiently resolved, all of this energy and attention is liberated. The wounded contents no longer obscure attention with the mental or emotional contents it was formerly generating. One thereby experiences an increasing capacity to just be, without the constant gnawing of unease, disembodied fear, racing or obsessive thinking or other internal preoccupations generated by the distortion.