mar04

There's an interesting opposition of forces at play in this human experience. On the external level, much of what I encounter seems designed to strip me of my happiness, health and wellbeing, routinely throwing me off balance and into anxiety, unease and suffering.

At the same time, there are forces within which are continuously compelling me, ultimately, towards happiness, wisdom, strength and equilibrium. Just slowly and quietly working away. Not the thoughts or feelings necessarily, since these tend to be effects of whatever's experienced and encountered, but deeper processes than those. The intuition, spirit, psyche, whatever. That greater container of compassionate intelligence in which it's all occuring, processing and transforming. Wherever it is that comprehension, integration and liberation are produced.

Something within me wants me to be well and is constantly driving me away from harm and towards help. Not just in terms of base survival but growth and happiness too. Despite how much the harmful things seem to vastly outnumber the helpful, that something deep within just keeps calmly and patiently nudging things along. Chipping away at this, breaking down that, letting go of this, moving towards that.

What could it all be for? What's really happening here?

Who is it I'm speaking to when I close my eyes and ask for guidance? What is it that's responding with its steady wisdom and compassion?

Against all odds, something in this universe seems to want me to be happy and whole.

I think this is why, upon recognizing that force at work, I'm often met with a sense of being immensely loved, cared for, guided and protected. By God, life, the universe, intuition, however it might be contextualized. That compassionate, intelligent and inexhaustible presence which can be sensed and inferred but not seen or described. Not just confined to internal processes but constantly working in tandem with the world to bring about whatever's needed.