thwarted

It seems that every attempt to control Life is, immediately or eventually, thwarted by Life. This can feel frustrating but it occured to me just now that it's actually a gift.

In not cooperating with my projections, Life is essentially saying that there's nothing I can do so I might as well stop worrying and enjoy myself. I might as well stop trying to control things. I might as well stop wasting energy on fear and anxiety. I might as well stop clinging and just enjoy what's available here and now until it goes.

What am I really trying to hold onto anyways? For how long? For what? It's all turning to dust no matter what, including this body. Again and again I'm reminded that there's nothing I can do, and that there's really nothing I need to do. I can really just let everything go and focus on what I want, need and feel called to do, trusting that everything else will unfold the way it will no matter how I feel about it.