jan2

Realized during my meditation this morning that I truly have no enemies in life. Even (maybe especially) those who stir discomfort in my body/mind and my life are really catalyzing the expansion of my awareness and growth. They're challenging me, and almost always in ways that are gentle, or at least survivable. Because in all these years, no one has killed me yet. They may have hurt me but it's never truly been too much. It just felt painful and/or uncomfortable for a time and altered my trajectory as a result, that's all.

Everyone is basically my friend in that they're all supporting my highest good in some way. Even those who stir so much discomfort that they challenge me to let them go and prioritize and explore myself and my true feelings, wants and needs more deeply and fully. They each represent an opportunity to climb another rung on the ladder to true wholeness, freedom, expression. It can just be an uncomfortable process.

And I hate discomfort. I looooove being comfy cosy in my big sweaters and puffy pants! So naturally I detest those who seem to encroach upon my space and stir discomfort. But that's all discomfort is - another feeling, one that I've identified as "not good/do not want". But it is good, really, in the right doses and in the end. It just doesn't feel good to me.

And too much comfort can become uncomfortable too, just in different ways. Feelings of boredom, stagnation, heaviness and listlessness can all come about from being too comfortable, and can similarly catalyze eventual growth. Whereas too much discomfort can stir stress, anxiety, anger and fear, which can also catalyze growth in other ways. So in a sense there's a balance needed to avoid being overwhelmed and destroyed but it's also kind of a self-regulating process in the longrun, or at least one that seems to be coming into greater harmony/balance overtime.

Lately it just feels like life has been so gentle with it. Just bringing these people and situations into my life that are gently challenging me to grow and try something new, something more true and grounded and integrated than my old habituated responses.

I felt so much gratitude once I realized that, that even those who appear as enemies and harbingers of discomfort are really friends in the grand scheme. Just more challenging ones than the openly warm and supportive. After all, that would get boring after a while wouldn't it? Always being affirmed and supported?

No thanks. Even though I haven't really learned how to yet, I'd rather the occasional fight. Not too hard or too nastily, just enough to feel the enervating heat of friction that pushes the body/mind to stretch and expand past its current confines. It's like friendly competition in the proper perspective - it can be fun to be pushed a bit by another, not necessarily vital but fun. Because in the end, this life is coming and going and everything is optional in a sense. It's available for me if I want to participate, and if I don't I can opt out and waste away in my comfortable bubble. It probably happens all the time. So it's up to me to take the choice to either stagnate and rot or respond and grow. To basically choose which forms of discomfort I'll move into for the greatest overall enjoyment and benefit. Something like that. Man I'm hungry. Buhbye!