Day 026

#100Days

Fighting for Honor and Dignity

For the first time in my life I feel like having a plan that targets me as the beneficiary. It was always the other way around. At my expense, I would always make sure a peer would have all its needs fulfilled (or at least the most basic ones).

I used to feel and think that, if someone I meet is in a bad situation, it was probaly my fault or at least I should do something about it. Today I see that those were only stories I was telling myself, based on the facts I was witnessing.

I think it's like so because I learned that I should work for the greater good, and the greater good meant the well being of the world, or at least the well being of the people around me which I hold some power relationship with (so job, spouse/partner, parents...).

Also people which are in a worse situation than I and that I could help somehow, regardless my knowledge or skill level to do so (some weird sort of assumed moral obligation).

These thoughts and feelings are starting to fade, and I am now looking more into my own feelings and needs, because I understand that there has to be balance inside before any balance can be produced outside. I need to have my own stability before helping the others.

And by stability I mean all the personal stabilites that exist out there: emotional, mental, physical and so on. I always focused more on some and usually ignored others. When one does that, there is no real stability. They sum up altogether and give you one overall score. That one must be a stable/balanced one.