Day 044

#100Days

Yourself before the others

I don't know how you manage it, but most people I've met usually hit a point of self-care where they would never give themselves up. Let's call it their botom line.

There's tolerance, friendship, respect. They can all be modeled as lines that people drawn around themselves. By crossing these lines we can achieve people's bottom lines.

Most people I've met usually have some good level of self respect in order to take the proper care of these lines, ensuring they're not crossed.

To me it has been quite different for my whole life. I'm not happy about it. I'm happy that I can see it now and I start to see the things I can do about all this.

It is also very sad to have lived all this time ignoring the importance of the self-care.

Before, I was always looking for people I could trust, and that would make me feel safe, take care of myself (including the personal space, a responsibility that should be solely mine). I was never looking after myself, though. I was believing in a force that would keep me safe that existed on external elements. I was searching for God outside myself.

I'm now starting to realize that I am in the center of it, that the responsibility for those things rely only upon myself. Not in the sense that I must now carry the burden of the world, but in the sense that I decide what to do, and there is no point in waiting for the world to recognize my efforts or to give me a back pat.