Sarah

@Sarah

I'm 22 years old, submissive, struggling with a moral dilemma regarding my relationship and sex, please don't judge. Content is 18+.

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Honesty vs Happiness

Even though humans naturally prefer being honest and genuine all the time, we often tell little white lies to save ourselves or each other from embarrassment, humiliation or protect us from pain. Is there ever a situation in which lying is better than telling the truth?

How many people don't have secrets - none at all? Not a single one? How many people can say they can tell their partner literally everything? I was like that with my boyfriend. I told him everything. He knows almost everything. He knows I miss him and that I would like him to be more passionate. He knows I am interested in D/s dynamics. He knows I am curious about being with other people, who can give me new experiences. The only thing he doesn't know, is that I have already found someone else.

Things have gotten even more complicated now. My lover got busy with work, and it was too difficult for me chatting only once in a while, I'd start missing him too much. So we are on a break again, and I've asked him to contact me when he has more time. While we are on this break, my boyfriend turned things around now that he has finished his studies. He pays more attention to me now, he asks me things about D/s, he cares about the things I like. I always answer as honest as possible, so basically I am now training my boyfriend to be the type of Dominant I am into. Still something doesn't feel right, because my boyfriend is not my lover. At their cores, they are two very different individuals.

How can I be so selfish and still not completely break things off with my lover, after everything my boyfriend is willing to do and change for me? Because of the attachment I feel. If the break is going to last long, maybe it will make the decision to break it off easier. I need all three of us to be happy. I am a submissive by nature, I like making others happy. I need all three of us happy. Maybe it's a good thing my lover got busy with work, that means he found something else to be passionate about. Maybe it's a good thing I had this experience, in the end it did improve my relationship with my boyfriend. I don't know if me and my lover could ever be just friends, but I do feel like I owe him a lot, he taught me a lot and helped me realize my worth. He helped me through difficult periods when my boyfriend couldn't. But if my lover doesn't want me any more, then I can't force him to stay with me. Now, my lover got busy the same way my boyfriend did. And I wouldn't cheat on my lover. I know he would be really upset about that. But I did cheat on my boyfriend. What is the difference? My lover feels explosively, that's the main difference. I can't teach my boyfriend how to be like that, it's something he can never change.


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