lemoncakes

this is not a diaristic blog (i.e. ranting about the drama of my inner life) but more of a compilation of personal experiences I deem significant enough to analyze; poems, essays for humanities classes that I think are good (a rarity), and unsolicited social critique. i don't think i'm the best at writing, but i have thoughts that i want to put into the world, so please bear with me on the occasionally robotic, occasionally ostentatious (that word itself reflects its meaning) entries. like everyone, I sometimes have opinions that you may not necessarily agree with, but I hope you don't hold that against me. i hope you enjoy ^^ -L

him

August 23, 2024•3,588 words

the moment you realize that you’re on the wrong train be sure you get off at the next station! cause the longer you stay onboard knowing it’s going in the wrong direction, the further away from your destination you’ll be! I’m not talking about trains! So maybe I am not talking about trains either. I'm talking about someone. I think there are moments when I realize that I am on the wrong train. I don't think it's healthy but I can't feel love without feeling shame. Moments when I realize that ...

letting someone go (a poem)

August 23, 2024•229 words

IV. Epistolary An entry in the shower and the last entry I’ll ever write about Simon Hockenberger-Harris At least for now. “Dear Simon, I’ll say I loved you to an extent where— You know I’m the type of person who doesn’t listen to playlists. At least not the whole thing, ever, or in order. I’m the type of person who makes them, and never look back. And obviously I rarely listen to other people’s playlists, maybe only a song or two. But I’ll listen to every song if you wrote a hundred o...

REVIEW: productivity apps

August 23, 2024•489 words

Productivity I’ve used way too many productivity apps in the past, and none of them really stuck with me. Here are some: Trello: organizing by cards. Good: easy to switch around tasks Bad: didn’t keep a good track of completed tasks, UI sometimes glitchy Conclusion: no longer use - other apps are better Flora: focus timer - if you go on other apps, you’ll kill a tree Good: for focusing Bad: only mobile, sometimes I need to go on other apps that aren’t entertainment but it locks me out Conclus...

art block + the creative process

August 17, 2024•191 words

I am currently going through a long period of art block. I haven't created much pieces these days and whenever I open the Procreate app I just don't know what to draw. I have discussed with my art teacher why. I think I am naturally a storyteller and not a painter. I used to be obsessed with drawing comics with convoluted storylines and characters with backstories, but it's hard to fit that all in a painting. My art teacher said that unlike most people my age, I think deeply about everything. ...

How to be a good friend and communicator

August 16, 2024•454 words

Sometimes I find it difficult to communicate well with other people, but here are some tips I've gathered from personal experience, watching YouTube videos, and reading Charles Duhigg's "Supercommunicators" I downloaded an app called “Birthdays” that sends me notifications on the days of my friends’ birthdays. If we are particularly close I try to give them a gift communication and being upfront is important and avoiding confrontation will not get you anywhere boundaries should be respected an...

Midnights (a poem about OCD)

August 16, 2024•478 words

I wrote this in freshman year...but that was the peak of my struggles with OCD. I really am dumping everything I've been through on this blog LOL, but once I get these things off my chest I think I'll be ready to write about happier things or get to other important topics aside from personal stories. BTW, I never thought I would recover from OCD. But at some point in my sophomore year, I realized that it had gotten better to the point where I'd almost fully recovered. So to anyone who is struggl...

eating

August 16, 2024•875 words

I can't believe I am writing a blog post about this. I didn't think that I would ever be ready to. Disclaimer, I don't have an eating disorder. At least from what I know, eating disorders stem from having issues with body image and involve many more symptoms that I did not have. Even if I don't have an eating disorder, I will include a trigger warning... This is more of a personal story. What happened was, I'm not even sure what time this started last year, but I started to have anxiety around...

being extroverted as an introvert

August 16, 2024•373 words

This will be more a diary, but I just want to emphasize how much I feel like this summer has changed me. For one, I think I have become more extroverted. As a little kid, I was very talkative without any inhibitions, resulting in me always saying some awkward or socially inappropriate things, but as I became a teenager I cringed at those memories and set walls around how I communicate with people. Like most middle schoolers, I used to be insecure about my social interactions and friends. For an ...

a (probably incomprehensive) list of my bad habits

August 16, 2024•138 words

This list was created so that I can improve on these bad habits. Disorganization. I let things pile up on my workspace and am always putting off cleaning it. Wack sleep schedule. I feel sleepy in the daytime and need to nap. Solution: sleep earlier! Lack of discipline with drama. I need to focus on academics and not getting involved with flirting, getting hotheaded/jealous, reading too much into things, doing things for other people, etc. Scattered study habits. Similar to #1, but I get overw...

a guide to santa rosa

August 16, 2024•322 words

This summer I have begun to appreciate Santa Rosa much more than I used to, because I realized that in 2 years I'm going to move out and only come back to this house during winter break and summer break. It makes me tear up a little, just thinking about it. PLACES WITH A LOT OF MEMORIES FOR ME Snoopy's Home Ice I've gone here probably 20 times. This was my first "date" with V for our school's Skate Night in freshmen year. We also went to the warm puppy cafe afterward and he ordered the same t...

i fixed my sleep schedule, taking breaks, bedrotting

August 15, 2024•491 words

Over the last week, I consistently slept at 3 am or later, and once I even slept at 5 am. The next morning I would be bleary-eyed and have a headache, and I felt the urgent need to take 2-3 naps throughout the day. I was less productive and focused on my work if I was sleep-deprived. What's worse, once you get into the routine of sleeping late, you do less work in the day so you sleep late again that night. However, I finally fixed my schedule by sleeping at 2 am. Yesterday I slept at 2 and woke...

TBR List (constantly updated)

August 15, 2024•68 words

FICTION Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl, Jesse Andrews This is how you lose the time war, Max Gladstone Crying in H-Mart, Michelle Zauner HISTORICAL FIC Catch-22, Joseph Heller Girl, Interrupted, Susanna Kaysen The Color Purple, Alice Walker POETRY On Earth we are briefly gorgeous, Ocean Vuong PHILOSOPHY The Myth of Sisyphus, Albert Camus COG. SCIENCE Supercommunicators, Charles Duhigg ...

take it slow

July 23, 2024•949 words

I wrote this piece back in April 2024. It went on from November 2023 to March 2024, although I didn't realize it until February. I'm not going to go into the details of what caused it (and please don't try to speculate). This documents my experience with depression. Mental illness is not exactly a comfortable topic, and for some reason, it is often romanticized on the Internet, but I'm not writing about this to ask for pity or seem "quirky" (if you're wondering why anyone would ever think it's q...

the intersectionality of queer and asian-american identity

July 22, 2024•1,320 words

This post consists of snippets pieced together from my Ethnic Studies final paper last semester. It was the first time I've written a formal essay on a part of my experience that is so vulnerable, but I finally felt ready to talk about it. Last year, my English teacher assigned the poem Self-Portrait Has So Much Potential from the Chinese-American poet Chen Chen. “I am not the heterosexual neat freak my mother raised me to be / I am a gay sipper, & my mother has placed what’s left of her h...

the songs i'm obsessed with this summer

July 21, 2024•122 words

I usually like to listen to 4-5 albums, mix them together, and put them on repeat. That way, it's both cohesive and diverse. Gracie Abrams Albums: The Secret of Us Songs: Blowing Smoke, us Chappell Roan Albums: Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess Charli XCX Albums: Brat Fiona Apple Songs: Criminal, On The Bound Car Seat Headrest Songs: Sober to Death Taylor Swift I'm getting quite tired of Taylor Swift, but So High School and Guilty as Sin? are still good Various Songs Paris by Mikayla ...

questions for the culture

July 21, 2024•281 words

Questions for the Culture - an edgy poem i wrote over a year ago. Please tell me, why have you curated aesthetics like “cottagecore”, “dark academia”, “baddie”, “old money”--defined, sought-after ways for girls to dress? Why is a movie-screen romantic relationship the expectation? Why is offending content considered humorous if it does not advance our humanity and only proves one’s uneducated ignorance and inappropriate lightness? Why is music taste a judgment factor for a person? Why are ther...

i want to start a blog

July 21, 2024•257 words

Per usual, I'm writing this at 1:04 am, a stomach full of Snapple blended with grass jelly tea and Caramel Crunch Frappaccino. This is the summer I became obsessed with energy drinks that will keep me awake until diabolical bedtimes (although I have not tried Celsius). As a first entry, I'll be brief. I'll list some bullet points of sporadic thoughts I've had regarding blogging. Will people think of me differently when they read my blog? Will they see a side of me they haven't seen before? I ...