I've thought about this. Writing here is pointless. Nobody reads it! Nobody cares! I'm worthless. I'm pathetic. I'm sad. I'm sad. I'm sad. I'm sad. I'm sad. I've thought about this. Go fuck yourself. ...

The reason I think it's essential, when it comes to things you care about, that you teach yourself is because whatever you're trying to do - paint a picture, write a book, play some music or design a game - isn't important. What's important is you. You are the artwork. There's never been and never will be again a manifestation of life force like you. You cannot be painted. You cannot be written. You cannot be designed or played. You are just you. Now we have these tools that we've designed, not ...

You've already decided whether you're good or bad. Now shut up. It's time to play it out. ...

Do you ever have those dreams where you wake up in your bed, get ready for the day, maybe even drive to work, but something just seems off? Then you wake up in your bed again and realize you were dreaming the whole time? So annoying. Why do we have dreams like that? I have a scary one about a dog where I wake up to the sound of a dog growling at the foot of my bed, it leaps at me and then I wake up again...to the sound of a dog growling at the foot of my bed, etc. [It's a hell hound.] Anyway, ...

God is wearing aviators. ...

It is cynical to think people are cynical. It is egotistical to think people are egotistical. You're dreaming that you're awake. Exiting the matrix is just another level of the matrix, designed for people arrogant enough to think they can exit the matrix. ...

I want to be a mindfulness instructor. Today's session is about death. Everybody take a deep breath in. I want you to imagine that this building is structurally unstable. And out Imagine that while I'm talking, the foundation gives way. And in Now you're trapped under rubble. Your legs, arms and abdomen are pinned. And out The rubble is slowly pushing down on your chest, making every breath harder than the next. And in Concentrate on your body. Feel the weight of the rubble as it slowly squeez...

Many writers don't understand that the point of it is not to say something clever, it is to get people to listen in the first place. By all means, say something clever after that, but until then nobody will know. ...

If I ever commit suicide my note will say, "You're it!" I don't know why suicide is such a taboo/macabre subject. I think it's hilarious. Every time I lose an argument I have fantasies about murdering myself and writing "WHO'S RIGHT NOW?" on the wall in my own blood. Do you have suicidal thoughts? Only when you're awake? Totally normal. Have you ever been to a GP for depression and they give you those cards that have everything lovingly translated into the first person like, "Sometimes I feel...

I am disillusioned by greatness. It just isn't interesting. It's like a trick with one solution. Why do we idolize it? Not only is it unrelatable but boring, dreadfully boring. What is plain and what is common is much more interesting. People living lives of quiet struggle and unrequited kindness, totally obscure and unrecognized. Things we take for granted. To be a good friend, a good partner, a good parent, a decent and trustworthy person, without any recognition, despite widespread cruelty an...

When I was a boy my grandfather bought this crazy remote plot of land and he built a "shack" on it. Said he would go there when he was feeling lonely. When he died of a Marmite related accident in 2013, he left the land to me. This is where I keep my pseudonyms, all real people whom I have kidnapped, guarded by an intricate system of mines and mouse traps. The pseudonyms work there 7 days a week on a diet of blanched hay and egg whites – my grandmother's recipe for quality literature – churning ...

Impostor syndrome is just false modesty. If you're successful and don't think you deserve it, you're right and you should pass it on to someone who does, like me. ...

The sad truth about art is that it is a kind of death and quite often a suicide. We think that artists are gifted to see the world a certain special way but this isn't true. Artists are only those foolish enough to share their inner worlds with the rest of us and undergo the inevitable annihilation. They are martyrs of culture. The majority of us live in completely isolated worlds. This is not due to our inability to reach a consensus or to meet each other on common ground but our unwillingness...

I think that aliens live among us and just aren't telling us because they're afraid we'll make them see a psychiatrist. I'm telling you I'm an alien. I'm from another planet. I don't even breathe for god's sake! YOU'RE SCARING THE CHILDREN BOB! What did the doctor say? What did he say? No alien talk at the dinner table... No alien talk at the dinner table! We're trying to help you Bob. We're all trying our best, but we can't help you unless you want to help yourself. Okay? Okay... ...

If you think you can't be tricked, you are being tricked. ...

I'm going to create an energy drink called WISDOM, where each flavour is named after a different philosopher and has a blurb briefly explaining their beliefs ~ KANT Kant maintains that understanding of the external world has its foundations not merely in experience, but in both experience and a priori concepts, thus offering a non-empiricist critique of rationalist philosophy. "Act only in accordance with that maxim through which you can at the same time will that it become a universal law." ...

Why are abortion laws are so divisive? I get that there is a case to be made for the "candidate member", that unborn children may be entitled to some statutory rights, which I even happen to agree with, but if you don't give women the power to uphold their own moral imperatives then you are removing any and all responsibility they have to those imperatives. You're creating irresponsible mothers. Then you're shooting yourself in the foot economically, socially, etc. You can't create any sort of r...

Payback's a brick, One way or the other. I collect bricks To throw at my mother. Missed her again! Just my fucking luck. I'll give her this, She knows how to duck. ...

I won't ask that you agree with my opinion, only that you compare it to your own and inevitably find that mine is better. ...

Art is a submissive thing and it is no wonder, since its aim is to uplift the human spirit, and it is far easier to push than it is to pull, it does this lifting from below. But it is also a dominant thing in that it does not conform to its master's will to resist being lifted. ...

I am okay with absolutely anything in this world so long as it can be questioned. As soon as somebody says to me, "That's the way it is. That's the way I am. You must accept it," I say good luck and goodbye. Not a damn thing anywhere is just the way it is... not a person, not a dog, not a rock. Everything is liable to change and everything must change because we are relying on it to change and if it doesn't, it tends hurts the other things around it. ...

I try to channel my ego into my art [this is my art]. I am collecting all the asshole energy other people waste on me and attempting to transform it into one giant motherfucker of a masterpiece. ...

I think owning a gun would be awesome because then any time you had to make a decision you could just put it up against your head. "What's it gonna be asshole?" "Are you gonna buy that donut or are we gonna end it all, right here, right now?" "Don't be startled ma'am, this is just my decision making process." ...

I'm going to sue big tobacco for false advertising when I don't get cancer. If I've been smoking for 60 years and I'm still not dead, I expect compensation [my retirement plan]. They've been exploiting smokers for years now with their false cancer advertisements. Many of these paying customers aren't even dying of smoking related illnesses. It's all a ploy to keep us alive longer so that they can make more money off of us. And now they have vaping, because nothing screams badass like sucking on ...

I think women are telepathic and they're just not telling us. It's the world's biggest conspiracy. ...

JUST IN: Women in Afghanistan Banned From Laughing as Impotence Epidemic Is on the Rise Our correspondent spoke to a local man about the situation who responded, "This epidemic is only growing, it's getting much larger, it's increasing in size." He was later jailed for innuendo. [It is forbidden for women to laugh in public under sharia law.] ...

Fake News Media Inc. responded to critics today, saying that reports questioning the legitimacy of their content were "a complete fabrication." CEO Mike Michalson added, "I'm the rubber, you're the ruler... or something like that." ...

I can't what the flea that means EAT YOUR GREENS! what's a green? a kind of bean? WRONG bean = greens NOT greens = bean don't you remember the song? greeny beany, greeny beany greeny beany, not beany greeny I don't what the floor that's a metaphor for for for, for for, for for for FORK! ...