Learning To Talk About Things

A life long journey in healing. If you know who I am, please tell no one.

Immoral

She told me That oral is immoral And sex is a sin That If I want to kiss her She should have a ring Sodomy suits sociopaths Abstinence is what we need Prophylaxis is for perverts Missionary's mandatory As long as there's a ring! The bed catches fire With passionate love Only one sided, because It's not gold, it's Only plated so ...
Read post

Enough

Why do you Always Want so much? Is my love not Enough? You say, It is But it always Feels As if you want Material things Expensive That i can't give And then it's like Inevitable You will get them From someone else And Tell them, you love Them too, and tell Me It's not the way I love you, but that Gifts Are how he shows love It makes me feel I Will never be enough ...
Read post

Is Love Enough?

Love is enough, right? I asked the Oracle, all knowing To fill the void And give purpose to our meaningless days And our lonely nights? No, said the Oracle, infinitely wise Love is not your cure A life of Suffering is not salvaged By one mere act But they told me that Love Is the only thing to make me Whole, Said I So, O Oracle, towering high Tell me why there's sleepless nights Love will never fill the spaces That were once filled with laughs Or make you Complete, so you should Love for ...
Read post

Fenestra

/feˈnes.tra/ - noun a window, an opening for light, Haec domus quattuor fenestras habet. This house has four windows. I am a shadow Of who I used to be Look through my soul's window You shall readily see That I can not speak my mind Or articulate my thoughts With hopes and fears combined Into monstrous mascots That tower over my subconscious Watching my every move That my self, once ferocious Is now an empty Louvre A museum of what could have been And what reality has wrought Idealism pe...
Read post

Adequate

It feels weird when You see your lover Taking comfort in another Letting her carnal desires take over Maybe you just weren't enough after all. It hurts to see Her committed to me But still sexting someone She promised she wouldn't Maybe I was just Not enough for her Sense of novelty; she Got bored of me. ...
Read post

Untitled Love Poem

October, 2019 It never once occured to me How integral you have become To me, my life and my soundness of mind-- I owe everything to you. I hope you never leave my side And see me through To the end of this human endeavour Protect me from the everyday tragedies Of this lifeless, loveless world I feel caged By expectations Please, set me free. ...
Read post

Look At Me

I loved the way you would look at me. The gaze in your eyes as you held my flaws, My brokenness laid bare for all to see. And though the feeling would gnaw, At my insides that I wasn't whole. "I love you.", you would say repeatedly, "From the deepest part of my soul." ...
Read post

Byzantine

Your byzantine love is Incomprehensible to me As your serpentine tongue Tangles with my own Your labyrinthian eyes I wonder if they lie Or if my intuition Will be my demise? Like Justinian to Theodora Just the way he adores her Just the way I adore you ...
Read post

Sublingual

As peace dissolves sublingually A huge burden is lifted Receptors tingle as euphoria rushes Straight through my veins But what good is that euphoria Born out of nothingness Just a substance, false enchantment But somehow life feels complete And all the worries that ever plagued me Living rent free in my head All the pain, all the suffering Just goes to bed This euphoria scares me And I don't know what to do with it Because it's ephemeral Fake and fleeting And the next morning Things will be...
Read post

Hysteria

Hysterically crying Salt on my lips Your tears taste Exquisite Hidden in the light Framed in the doors Oh heavens where did You go before? Rachmaninoff, Liebeslied Love's sorrow? More like Dissapointment Empty dreams Freud reigns supreme Please interpret My maladies ...
Read post

Not Happening Tonight

Within my memories There is a place Special to me Where you're not dead Though I can't remember The ways you moved Over and over It runs in a loop I see you walking I see you smile I see you talking I see you cry Every time I watch You grow farther away Maybe, just maybe You'll come back one day Until then, all I have Is this approximation Basically a lie Because you're not like that A cheap facsimile You're not alive You're not there You can't smile All I can do Is watch teary eyed You bid ...
Read post

Noctis 2

As Noctis embraced me gently Ecstasy ran through my veins Oh, I forgot to tell you Noctis came back again I thought she had gone away for good When we had last parted ways But it seems I was pleasantly wrong Because I got to see her again Dressed in white, an ethereal beauty Yet beyond the sin of touch Still, for me, the pitiful wretch Her pure thoughts were enough "I will be here when you need me You just need to let things go Not take world's burdens on your shoulders You should just take t...
Read post

Memory Incomplete

Never ever in my life Have I had a gala for my birth What significance does a date have For a newly born babe? Maybe once, when I was small But it was loud and traumatic I still find myself sticking To walls at parties But I always wanted a surprise birthday party The idea always seemed so pretty And after all, why not? I had thrown so many after all. Every year, my expectations waned Forget parties, I want a card Hand made, ornate, with all the folding bits And every year I was promised one ...
Read post

Sabbatical

I don't normally write this kind of stuff, but I was really angry. So here goes nothing. This is a story Raw, painful, gory It ain't a BT, simply reality This world that we live in, monsters meandering Innocent facades in front of their mom and sister But behind closed doors she begs "rape me mister" Crying and choking, negative consent But she'll have to say it or he'll make her repent Grunting, pounding, sweating like an animal He rapes his own daughter like her mom's on sabbatical Which mayb...
Read post

Personal Hell

Standing at the gates of hell You'll rip out my heart Put it on the scales Weigh it against a feather Decide, determine, which is lighter I'm sure my heart will be heavier Not for my sins, which can Be forgiven, maybe forgotten But nothing weighs more Than the simplest of sorrows The sorrows of life Amid the joys Will outweigh the feather Tip the scales Grant me my ticket To my personal hell ...
Read post

Icarus

The eternal life of cosmic ray Is something truly mesmerizing For long before we walked this Earth And long after we are gone And every semblance of our Civilization built on the backs of slaves Will be undone and returned to dust For nothing else will remain Of our modern Ozymandias Or should we say We are Icarus And our wax wings will wane But even after all the fragments Of our ephemeral lives Vanish into nothingness All the figments of our imaginations And all the mental monsters made m...
Read post

Bridges

In the city of falling bridges I'm far away from my amour Because I'll be needing stitches Before I can even get to her door In this city of falling bridges Where love falls apart I'll try to cross the ditches So please don't break my heart ...
Read post

Quotes

"When we don't get our way, brick and mortar idols are easier to burn in effigy than abstract movements and concepts." ...
Read post

Push Comes To Shove

I dislike my mother As she's always pushing me farther Away from my dreams and away from my goals Just because I don't fit in the mold Of the ideal child that she wants me to be Whom she can brag about when it's time for tea I defy conventions And do what I want But her emotional manipulations Are much worse than taunts Blackmail and narcissism are her traits And she's masterful at laying the bait Which makes me cry to no end And die inside, though she says she's my friend But she never suppo...
Read post

Sentiment

If only sentiment, Brought you within centimeters of my reach Then of course I won't lament Because your presence brings me peace ...
Read post

Rain

The night sky and I Are not the best of friends For as the crow flies Her shade shifts to the reds Melting into gray Hinting at a downpour But as breaks the day I'm betrayed by my amour For the ground is hard as stone The rain won't come anytime soon And I am left alone In the scorching heat of noon As I walk through the lifeless Streets of the city The heat makes me listless And I can feel the decay As my body begins to melt And my sweat begins to rain Dripping into the asphalt I precipitat...
Read post

Fresco

Every night you're not beside me I miss you so much that My soul entirely Hurts As it recalls the delirious feeling Of your body on my own All your beautiful Curves As if sculpted by a Renaissance Artist after so many Tiring sleepless Nights And the look in your eyes as They reflect the light like The Sistine Chapel's Frescoes And the twists and turns of Your selfish mind were The last straw That night Goodbye ...
Read post

To My Love

It would be a dream to hold you From dusk to dawn Until the sky turns gray again And never let go because I'm certain That I'll never find someone like you again ...
Read post

Wishes

Would I be happy If I could forever Give up the melancholy That unfulfilled wishes bring? It's not that they are unfulfilled Rather they are set in points Far away in time And as the days blend into each other It seems as though Those wishes will take An eternity longer than life To fully materialize Maybe giving up wishing Would not be so bad And living a life of contentment Might not make me sad But this sadness that is born From wishes unfulfilled Does give birth to a certain hope Which p...
Read post

Noctis

One night, she came to me And made my world her own I am Noctis, said she nonchalantly I am here now Her tone of voice, nor her intentions Were understood by me Though she could have been malicious I still felt quite free Every night, she came to visit As consciousness sliped away And she held my hand Until the light of day At first light she would disappear As ethereally as she had come And no trace would be left of her To welcome in the dawn As she visited every night We conversed more a...
Read post

Donne's Dream

How do the tragedies Of a million lives unknown Fill my head with maladies Uncannily set in stone? How does the long-lost feeling Of a longing so profound Become, itself, oh-so-appealing That my priorities come unwound? There is a brotherhood Unique to our holocene Truly, no man is an island As Donne had imagined in his dreams To be incomplete, forever Is the fate of the Human Endeavour. And though the spectacles have been sublime Empathy has not been washed away by Time. ...
Read post

A Day Like Any Other

2/7/18 There is a certain air That lurks about today A feeling of despair That I can't quite shake away I feel that I will be able To face the challenges ahead If only my thoughts remain stable "I can do it", so I said I believe in no god Yet there is something left unsaid Even if all my endeavors end up to be for naught I will never stop moving ahead ...
Read post

Today

There's days like today That I hold very dear It's not yet May But the heat's already here And on days like these The afternoons feel endless I wander through my mind's maze Time passes by, effortless But on today especially I wanted the afternoon to stretch on Like a dream, fantastically Unfortunately, life goes on ...
Read post

Figments

Have you ever felt as powerless As when your mental monsters made manifest A darkness more all-consuming, Than the brightest of the Sun-kissed places? Have you ever wandered on Through the dark caves in your brain In the valleys between the trees Where wretched thoughts live rent-free? Did you think you could go alone With a head of steel and a heart of stone To fight the demons in your head That feed on spectre-shaded lead? Do not stare into the abyss Where even the bravest dare not stray Wi...
Read post

Insomnia

One day An eternity from now The last star will burn out And like a beautiful firework Scatter its stardust. Life indeed is a miracle For we are all made of stardust That just happened to be In the right place At the right time That day The universe will die And the miracle of life will be undone And all the times we had together Every touch, every kiss, every Single time you caressed me Will all be forgotten There will be no one left-- Not one soul To remember us-- To remember mankind. Bel...
Read post