July 28, 2022•380 words
It started small, I thought it would pass, but tinnitus crept up. Early on, I passed this buzz off trapped nerve or crick in the neck. That was my first assessment, so I got a chiropractor to click things back into place.
It remains; a week later, I woke to what can only be described as an inescapable dog whistle. I did everything I could to drown it out, background tv, laundry tumble dryer, even tried (a terrible idea) headphones, but nothing. Sleeping became impossible, so I had to call mental a health helpline to distract me.
Going to work, although a struggle, distracts the sound as I have to engage and serve with others. People see I am tired, but I endeavour to remain chipper. Becoming overactive "doing" provide the exhaustion needed to get some sleep, but as soon as something woke me up at night, I am up. So, go out, run or walk. The wind and ambient noise help drown it out.
A friend helped, providing some mild sedatives; I got some deep rest, waking the sound subsided, thinking, "IM CURED" I returned to the old habit of listening on headphones ( another bad Idea). The day after the dog whistle returned.
That was 24 hrs ago. Waking this morning, I noted the sound flux in and out. The "flux in" happens when walking to and from work near a considerable amount of tower block construction sites.
My ears have been damaged; how is yet to be seen, but how can they heal when being bombarded by the natural city sounds 24/7 (I live centrally)?
Returning home today, I was tired of sound, but I noted the tinnitus reduced or relaxed. I chose not to put on TV to distract but rather seize the moment to breathe into the silence I found myself in, returning to seated silent meditation.
I let the sound outside my window land while accepting any frequency within me. I breathed and used meditation beads to count. I began to see the tree from my window again, find the silence within me, and accept the healing done by sitting in stillness.
Pain and reactive escape are often paired. Escaping provides more chaos; take time, be patient and discover a compassionate place to escape.