August 28, 2021•717 words
There was a long time in my life where after a meal when the dessert menu came round I would never have dessert, however, I would often have 2 mains.
This changed at around 30 years old or less when I started to always have dessert, a response to the stimulus presentation of a dessert menu that lasted to this day when off diet.
A couple of days ago I was out for a lunch with my family and another family, 7 people in total. We all had the mains as normal and I had chicken caesar salad without croutons which was an easy choice and meant I was not off diet, something I had thought a possible option as I had not seen the menu and was considering a day off.
Roll on dessert and my son, who had said the oreo cheesecake was good, and I both ordered only to find out all the other people who had not yet ordered were not going to order anything, even the youngest person there was deciding to be healthy....
And so I have had the good main course only to find I was one of 2 people having dessert. At this point, my son took a bite or 2 and announced he was too full. Therefore in a similar fashion to my earlier life, I was the only person eating dessert and on top of that, I had 2 portions...
The point of this post is that in days gone by most "friends" would have commented on my weight and decisions to eat dessert at all, certainly making blunter comments when seeing me eat 2 desserts. Now however the times may have changed as there were no comments bar the fact that when my son said he had eaten too much I was not the only person to suggest me as the answer to his problems.
In days gone past it would have been the comments or history of comments that would have resulted in my ordering dessert which fits with counter-contol. Once someone tells you to do something you cannot capitulate with, you end up wanting to counter this attempt at control. This is a normal phenomenon and should be considered in any human interaction.
However, this is me realising that now that I am much lighter than I was people are much less likely to comment on me having something sweet. Looking back at the last year, this has been evident on many other occasions. Indeed I have been in several situations where I have refused something sweet and explained I that "inside I am a fat person waiting to get out" and now I am slimmer people actively say "go on,one won't hurt".
About a week after this event we were out to dinner with a friend and his family. He has known me 30 years and generally spends a lot of time making comments about my weight and my eating unhealthily. When I had a day off while he was in the area (truth be told a few days off diet) he as usual commented in a derogatory fashion about my weight. However when he saw me late in the evening munching on a cream bun he launched as normal into some comment, then I pointed at my body and he finally had to say - "well it is working for you, I don't know how but it is working for you!"
The point is now I am lighter I am more able to control my need to counter control against these comments and yet now I am lighter he is starting to get his making of the comments under control.
People feel able to stick in their opinion and judge, I do not comment on what he eats but in terms of BMI - well I thought mine was less but a quick calculation has told me we are the same.
Yet those comments never made me eat less - in fact they made me eat more in front of him. While I do not have an eating disorder - people may have a good intent when highlighting an issue about eating but eating disorders need less comments made by others - please seek professional advice if this is relevant to you.