July 6, 2021•434 words
What do we experience when we feel lonely?
I have been on the road for weeks now. This has led me to experience something people may call lonely if I understand what the concept of Lonely really means.
I think I am spoilt and cannot really understand true loneliness. I have been happily married for over 20 years and I do have friends. Therein may be part of the issue. I spent tonight feeling disconnected and on FB chat contacted people I had not chatted to much or in a long time. I felt the need to talk about anything disconnected from my life.
One issue here is most of those I end up chatting to are people who see me as their resource. They talk to me about their issues. The relationships are skewed in those terms. I am not feeling that I need to talk to someone about any issues, I do not really feel I have any issue worth talking about. I could do with those "getting to know you" type chats you get when you make new friends. Could this be in essence be something lacking in my character? Is this an emotion that passes or is this approaching loneliness?
One of the outcomes of the social media age is us not connecting on that depth and all of us seeming to be competing with how good our photos are of our experiences so others can be jealous. As you can probably tell I do not use Social media much however last night I did look at my FB feed - first time in months, this almost led me to connect to someone who would be yet another drain on my energy.
This leads me to reflectively look at how I process these experiences and who it is good for me to spend time with.
Who's a resource and who is a drain??
Do I get something out of assisting those in need? Does this fulfill a need I have?
I was chatting online with a friend earlier who asked to call as she has an issue she is working through on chat with me. This led to a conversation but again it was all about her point. Now I did help and I am always happy to help - indeed this is a good friendship which I get a lot from.
What is it I need? Is this me being a whinny child? Many many people went through much much more discomfort through lockdown and their normal pre COVID lives.
Is this lonliness? Will retail therapy assist me?