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Going through life as a white male I have not experienced discrimination in the way others will have. I would not say none due the the fact that it is all about perception. However anything I would say that has come close would spark debate from those who had more obvious experiences of discrimination. I experienced an event the other evening which triggered a response within me that was noticeable. I will first describe the event with as little of my opinion as I can. I was with a colleague ...

I like to watch something to end my day as a resource for destressing and changing my frame of mind toward bed. I also and generally not particularly choosy about what I watch. I like a good film but you are more likely to get something positive from a documentary if you are not going to spend time researching what is best film. A couple of nights ago I watched Chris Hemsworth - Limitless, I had watched a few and that night got to episode 4 which was about Fasting. Last night I finished a 48 h...

I was discussing on training one day how gender equality was an impossibility. I am sure some readers will have your assumption filter jump into place now however I also usually find people are surprised by my opinions on this subject, as they tend to have made more assumptions about me. Although in truth this was never meant to be a political arena so I will not be voicing opinions per se here today, or getting into a debate. So back to the training, a participant, female, provided this expe...

There was a long time in my life where after a meal when the dessert menu came round I would never have dessert, however, I would often have 2 mains. This changed at around 30 years old or less when I started to always have dessert, a response to the stimulus presentation of a dessert menu that lasted to this day when off diet. A couple of days ago I was out for a lunch with my family and another family, 7 people in total. We all had the mains as normal and I had chicken caesar salad without c...

What do we experience when we feel lonely? I have been on the road for weeks now. This has led me to experience something people may call lonely if I understand what the concept of Lonely really means. I think I am spoilt and cannot really understand true loneliness. I have been happily married for over 20 years and I do have friends. Therein may be part of the issue. I spent tonight feeling disconnected and on FB chat contacted people I had not chatted to much or in a long time. I felt the ne...

One of the positive psychology elements that we are aware of is that just like changing a habit takes 21 days so there is also a mechanism for altering brain chemistry when we follow the what went well scenario for 21 days. This brain chemistry alters a person's perspective from the normal and common pessimist to more optimistic brain chemistry. People can literally alter their brain chemistry in 21 days following a simple what went well process provided they follow this process every day. Thi...

Oh my! I am soo busy in this project that is running alongside the daily training work I am doing. I missed the post yesterday. Now it is not about saying I did not have the time. I do worry about people's use of the phrase "I did not have the time!" Although to be fair my Advisor is screaming - "you do not have the time to be doing this 100 day thing on listed!". And now I have missed 2 posts. We all have 168 hours per week. How we use them is the issue with having enough time. The amount we ...

How we bring up teens is a constant conversation. The important points of parenthood become apparent when you first realise, that the first rule of parenting is you are doing it wrong and the second rule is everyone else is doing it right. This was a quote from a TV show called the A word. However it is a common perception and feeds right into the points about the advisor dictating how we are feeling all the time. Perhaps the point is not about how to parent but about how to live within the int...

1 of the concerns about doing the 100 day challenge revolves around how busy life can be and how we prioritise things. I am storming through a very challenging and concerning project which is dragging my mind constantly. In the midst of the storm I get to a point where I am tired, I utterly need to do another task before I go to bed however the pressure that knocks in my head is around this 100 days of posting something. This in this itself I find a concern. Looking back at the posts I have ...

The experience for us parents of children becoming adults is well documented and leads to all of us having many humerous and terribly upsetting stories about interactions with this species know as teenager. Notwithstanding the experiences of the adults in this young persons life what about the experiences of the person themselves? A newly minted young person has been used to the safety net of mum and dad keeping them safe and bailing them out when they get in trouble with other adults ex...

someone else will do it for me I have been doing training in the work environment for well over 25 years. I have taught over 20,000 people on short courses. I hope we can agree there is some experience there. This is a post about the fact that no one shuts doors! - I am sure the statement needs some more explanation. When teaching in a room I will always wear shorts. This only changes if it is a room I know will not heat up, and the weather is very cold. Participants generally will sit in t...

In this age of the lockdown - which, btw, is what I do think it should be called, does your pre lockdown circumstance assist your mental health or not? We all hear about people in lockdown on all sides of the coin and I want to draw your attention to one area here, being a couple. If you were single at the start of a lockdown that could be a relief or a horror. Indeed some people are simply not interested in relationships or even some are not interested in sex at all. This is not me simply havi...

One of the cornerstones of behaviour is having the resources to assist you with the stress of everyday events. Indeed behaviour that can be considered by some aberrant can be the person responding to a lack of resources to cope with the emotional experiences they are having. Which are in turn a response to the physical reality experiences they are having. Having a great resource system is discussed in another post. Positive Behaviour Support or anything that is person-centred no matter how you...

I was a participant on a course today experienceing training from the other side. I am not sure I want to end up in that kind of role. Sure it is true that I am just a trainer however if you were to take a few moments to read some of the feedback I get working for my company you might perceive there is a difference. Most normal training is basically covering a syllabus and keeping everyone happy. Today the trainer was perfectly amenable, likeable. However when you are in this sort of area of w...

I am doing this maddening process of writing something for 100 days. I am not sure how I decided to take on yet another thing in the midst of some pressure on various fronts of things to complete. Nonetheless, today I put aside the time to have a conversation with both sons on zoom. Something we do precious little and yet it is so important to remain connected. They can both be quite strong in their beliefs. Those who see the the great hack and the social dilemma and do not understand the impl...

I have suddenly realised I have to blog today and I only have 30 mins left. The day has been long for many reasons however the main pressure I have been under today is to make headway into this Positive Behaviour Support System that I have been lumbered with, in a manner that causes me some concern. I do not mind plans etc. I will however be in a room of 15 people delivering the content of a plan I have created before, all but one of them, has met the person. This you say is not a problem, howe...

We all lie. In some form or other. There are many many interactions that could be considered lies every day. One of the issues we have with this concept is the whole issue that comes from perception. A neuroscientist today would likely debate the concept of there being one single reality. Reality does not exist We know from witness statements that if people all report seeing the same thing then the witnesses have either contrived / discussed the event or been coached by a third party. That ...

Relational Frame Theory RFT is the underpinning basis of the third wave of therapies in human cognition today. However it is an area a lot of people struggle getting to grips with. RFT gives a framework around how linguistics and cognition lead to the human mind finding elements of life concerning. There is a separation of cognition from other animals in our world that has been demonstrated by research into RFT. ref Just a Theory While the title Relational Frame Theory has the word theory in ...

We as a species spend an awful lot of time in the past and the future which a lot of people do discuss in various areas of life, such as most third wave therapies and personal development courses you would go on today. Or since the advent of COVID you would attend online rather than actually be there in person. Humans therefore also spend a large amount of time thinking about things they spend less time actually actively doing. This may be your specific hobby where you are so enthralled by your...

When you teach a group where half the participants work with younger kids (under 11 ish) and the other half work with older kids (teens) there is a clear dichotomy in responses around problem behaviour. It all comes back to the issue around the distractor versus the reinforcer. When asked the question - who would give the child a chocolate biscuit when the child is kicking a door the adults who work with younger children say no as they do not see this as a positive move as it returns to the is...

I have posted about home education and wanted to highlight a point from the quote at the top of this post on adult children looking back and thanking you. At one point my youngest was probably 16ish years old and the Explorer Scouts he was a part of were all going to this awards evening with the scouts from all over the county. This was a big deal and a big event. Prior to me getting ready to take him, a evening I did not personally yearn for, I was informed by my wife that he did not want to g...

In her book - Get out of my life, Suzanne Franks mentions what a parent may get out of all this in the end. I started to wonder if I had attained this level of accomplishment? And so I decided to write this small post and ask for comment from my boys, who are now aged 19 and 24 for those who do not know. There is a pleasant irony to all this. If parents can hang on through the teenage years, they may get all that they ever wanted at the end of the process: an adult child who genuinely likes an...

One of the things that are commonly said is that those famous people who achieve great things are usually early risers. I have always found that when I can get up at a reasonable time in the am the day has more in terms of achievement. I also feel better. When working away I have got into the habit of arriving at the venue 90 mins or more early, even on days when I do not need the set up time. This lets me get some work done and frankly I feel much better and sleep much better. There are many r...

The 100 day challenge? What on earth are you talking about? That seems like a stupid thing to consider. Well - I posted yesterday, and I was reading about it on listed.to... So I am not going to take the 100 day challenge however i am going to consider the idea of posting something 100 times before I reach my next birthday and this should be considered day 2. The mere fact I am considering this couples in with the post I did yesterday on the subject of procrastination - a subject I know needs...

"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of" - Benjamin Franklin I have spent my life trying to get too much done - too many lists and lists of lists everywhere. So much so that ACT has helped me realise that I actually use, the need to provide more efficient ways of being productive for me and my small team, as a way of procrastinating from the actual work. As an example I run a company providing training and consultancy. As the foundation traini...

originally published on D8: https://de-escalate.com/post/behind-the-mask I have wanted to do a post about Hanlon's Razor for a while and the mask issue has led to me combining that here. Our non verbal communication being misinterpreted or misunderstood should not be considered intentional. I have now taught almost every day for 3 months. This is unusual on 2 fronts. Firstly I had never meant to do so many training days in any given month and secondly that we had just finished a full lockdown...

My son challenged me to do 21 days - Ha! It is amazing how daunting these things seem at the start and how easy they seem when looking backwards. My wife just made toast and as I had had a drink (tipple) and it was late I suddenly thought I could do with some toast. Then it made me think of the fact I really do not need toast and actually am not really craving it. I am even writing about it now, just after it happened and still thinking about it. The project started on August 9th - this was...

There is an old adage that it takes 21 days to form a habit. Well, my son has put me to the following task and I thought it would be interesting to blog a few times as I go. I am technically obese and have been since I was a small child. Not so small :-) My BMI throughout lockdown has run just under 34 which puts me in the obese category. To get down to the overweight category I would have to have a BMI of below 30. There has only been one time in my life I have achieved this and it was sho...

how come? So I have blogged about weight and elsewhere I have blogged about a year of data collection which I did around weight. However in recent past a Netflix film, called Game Changers, took us on a journey about the virtues of a plant based diet. Just to stress we do not mean vegan - we mean plant based. I rejoiced in a new way of thinking and was very happy with my health - but - the big change is I have put a load of weight on. So is this healthier or not? During this pandemic I am no...

real world experience I have discussed elsewhere the support needed for an individual to maintain and develop a supportive relationship for those they support. I have experience of this from both sides of the coin however the last few weeks has placed a spotlight on the training we deliver around this. I am incredibly glad my wife has had the training. [side note - due to lock down she is socially distanced from us and does not live in the house - discussed elsewhere] As a trained person ap...