Sound Therapy.
My auditory system latches on to speech while missing silence and unable to enjoy music as before. Podcasts, guided meditations, and youtube all provide distraction away from tinnitus. How do spoken words (even in the background) impact the connection between the auditory and limbic systems? With sound always present in my ear, using available media sources seems no brainier to distract. Over the first three months, this method, although not perfect, seemed to support tinnitus management, and ...
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Silence to Sound
Eighty days of silent meditation. Finding those moments after work to sit and absorb the sound outside my city apartment supported me to see within, to find stillness and acceptance in a post-pandemic world. Summer arrived, I caught the flu, and I heard there was a bug going about. After a week of fever, snot and sweat, it was gone. I woke one morning with a pitch emanating from my left inner ear. I was too quick to halt my disrupted meditation practice, thinking, "It'll Shift!" ...It didn't!...
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Change Approaches.
I sat speaking with my team leader, my voice trembling with wilful emotion. Serving the most excluded in the community always comes with challenges. Coming out of the pandemic, the already ignored seem forgotten; it's no longer a challenge; it's an abyss. People are being left to rot. I am fortunate to work in a supportive team and thankful my service does not have a "statutory duty" to serve, allowing us to meet people before the problem. The solutions we offer are primary to ensure the syste...
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It Pierces and Teaches
"When a Stoic Faces a Problem, They: - Don't make things worse by whining/complaining- Focus on what they can learn- Endure what they can’t change- Look for opportunities to improve because of it- Embrace their fate." It started small, I thought it would pass, but tinnitus crept up. Early on, I passed this buzz off trapped nerve or crick in the neck. That was my first assessment, so I got a chiropractor to click things back into place. It remains; a week later, I woke to what can only be desc...
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Travelling
Be a traveller; not a tourist. ▪️ Take your time ▪️ Don't follow the herd ▪️ Get off the beaten path ▪️ Enjoy the little moments ▪️ Don't be afraid to get lost ▪️ In no hurry to reach the destination After all, you get to go on this journey only once. ...
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The Work
There is work to be done, but only in the self. When and how it is done is a personal choice. Please take what you own, half it. If enough is left, half it again. Now, with less distraction, the self becomes exposed. New distractions will be tempting, look inward for answers. The self needs to know you, without the external. We distract ourselves as fear grips our hearts. Allow freedom to permeate, and distraction will subside, exposing true purpose and inner contentment. ...
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Master Gardener
She who cuts with blades of master gardener; Finds growth in the lost, Toils earth, discovers the heart, Tends sprouts,nurtures family, Honours her man Holds her child Nourishes the community Connects with light Enlivening the world The great mother unites. ...
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Freeing the Mother
The day started calmly. My sister and I woke early; my nephew was a bit slower. Caring as always, my sister prepared a picnic for later. Although she was playing it cool, I sensed her excitement in our adventure to the 'Tap of noth' Rhynie, Scotland. Mum joined us, gently placed into my rucksack, as the final leg of her journey in our world drew closer. Driving and listening to Ludovico Euandi, our chat brought joyful memories to the surface. I found a presence here with my family. Arriving ...
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Speaking with Father
I always visit him. It's nice to see someone leaves fresh flowers. Due to circumstances I do most of the speaking. I let him know that like him , I'm not perfect , I rarely get thing right, and fearful letting people down. I explained mum with be with the wind soon. She may have already joined him. They where soul mates, just crap a relationships. Returning to roots, environments of child hood stir insights to the surface. Standing there talking with dad , I found deep gratitude for him ...
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Meeting the Wind.
July 2020, our phone calls held more joy. She managed to get out for a "fine piece ( cream cake)" at the cafe and picnics in the gardens with her friend Amelia. The restrictions in Scotland seem north Korean in my view, so my daily phone calls connected mother and son with congruence. She articulated fear, not of sickness but being forgotten; this sat in her heart before the lockdowns (as it sits in mine). It taught me how isolation and oppression bring personal and societal vulnerabilities to t...
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Zen Torrettes
Important to work with nature of a the soul. None of us perform well when not aligned. If we show the world a masked version of ourselves it will not treat us the way we want. As it does not see us. If we learn to articulate our soul properly and accurately then people know where they stand with you. Meditation , movement , walking, running followed by good meal, human connection and rest supports one centre. When lost we live without chains. Chosen struggle bring enduring lessons. ...
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Now there is space to...
Switch off from work focus on personal growth reconnect with friend build fresh Networks remove lethargy develop strength build resilience maintain wider commitments ( life/friends/work) climb mountains swim rivers dance smile from the soul pet the dragon forgive myself validate from the inside out. cycle to woods run the city breathe move live ...
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Lines for Living
I don't have time to rush Willingness to be wrong invites truth Do it on purpose and find out who you are. There is no time, just an eternal now. My presence radiates the potential for havoc. ...
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Fear
The addiction to fear is on an industrial level. It provides people reason not to live as significant beings. The pre covid sedation of consumerism and tech was just the epidural to make sure people remain spineless when sovereignty is amputated form the soul. ...
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Self Compassion Exercise
When I feel "Whats the point?" I take a nice hot bath/meditate and remember these points Was the task hard? ( How many others are attempting it) Was I properly equipped? ( Sometimes You don't realise you need something until it not there) Failure is not unique its just that society makes a lot of effort to hide theirs . I must own my failings. Remember "Luck" is a feature of existence and sometimes it not on not on my side. My worth is not dependent on external things. Separate achievement ...
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Perception
Middle of this week, my casework seemed insurmountable. Reading, disseminating, communicating and absorbing fears can get exhausting. Something I note, when coming up to leave, the an emotional bottle necks appear on the calendar. "Must get stuff done, clear the decks." This thought process got too much by Thursday. The sense of feeling "busy" does not sit well with me. I never use the word out loud. I fell back to a core productivity method , find deep work , leave the light threads to later....
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It Begins
I realise now that 15 years ago was only the start of seeing who I am inside. I have pushed and pulled myself forward through many chapters to find the elusive self. All with one theme, to be accepted for who I am. Now, after martial arts, movement, career as advocate, I realise the narrative and dogmas that my energy fed into, striped me of my essence. Since mum passed, I have worn her cross. I sit with myself in silence often. I visit churches where I value faith over religion.Days of active ...
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