the kirkyard

I used to have no clue. Now I think I have plenty at 72. The past always asks me "Who knew?" I'm still answering, "No clue." ...

Some mornings to get to good you have to first decide whether to have a cup of coffee or a second sleep. Life may be best if it was lived as if my thoughts, words, and deeds were not necessary. Mortality may gain its im by oms. We shouldn't be nervous or worried about A.I. We've been practicing A.S. (Artificial Socialization) for years. And look how well that has turned out. We are all just giddy, well-adjusted social butterflies. Products that guarantee "You will feel a difference...

Texting is a way to tell others that the distance between a handshake, a fist-bump, a touch, or a hug, is infinite. The machines are breathing. I had an experience yesterday. Am I? I am now. Are you? At 71 years of age I know that I don't know anything, and I don't want to know anything. The same goes for nothing. I've been told that it's sunny on the bright side. Ruminating is so bovine. Cud it is. I'm milking it for all it's worth. You are here before you are there. ...

Easter. Sunday morning. Neither have any meaning for me. I sit. I drink a second cup of coffee. And now I write. If anyone has read any of my other posts you can tell the undercurrents of anger, anxiety, and angst. Being bitter is not a good look for most people. Although in the America of today bitter is becoming a by-word. Now I need to do some catching up. Starting from... August 22, 2020... I live to have no opinion about everyone else's opinion. September 15, 2020... Ordered a phone...

There is hope. Trump. Toast. Pass the butter. But I'm also afraid the damage has been done. Could it get worse? Yes. The bar has been lowered. 9 times out of 10 scrutiny screws. Has there ever been a generation that spends most of their waking hours indoors but worries what the weather is going to be like 10 days from today? For those of you on a deprivation diet, whether it be keto, paleo, vegan, or vegetarian, (and believe me, I have been a ketour), I raise my bar to you. https://www.litt...

and endings need an end. Good morning. I hope the morning and mornings for you don't feel like most mornings do for me. Not good. And not a morning in the metaphysical or poetical sense. For me mornings are when my physical eyes are opened and my body breathes and my mind screams in the silence of a barely noticeable will. Honestly. But let's get to some practical matters. Yes. It's been awhile since I posted anything. It is a kirkyard after all. Get it? Kirkyard. Look it up. You can sm...

Daylight/Nightlight... Yes. Watching and feeling it get darker an hour earlier each evening makes me feel like "Good Day Sunshine" by The Beatles is a tease. https://t.co/XiQsVLnchU— the kirkyard (@kirkyard) November 5, 2019 There are great articles and essays on Elle and Vogue. Suicides can never be poetic justice. Why do churches now hold "celebrations of life" for those who commit suicide? I have never seen them hold a celebration of life for those who have survived suicide attempts. W...

Neapolitan ice cream. Over half of a half gallon. Gone. The other half is shame and guilt. I have hit a wall. A lull. A depressed state. I need lifting. I need pushing. I need the pull forward. Life should be a lilt. Not something endured, embedded in silt. Yes. That was a little personal. That's okay. I need to spell it out. Honestly it's only honesty that gets you through. That's nothing new. Another sleepless night. Dog barking. But you already know this story. So I'll move on. ...

I’m going to take a donation of $25,000 from anyone (and everyone) random who retweets this because you feel like being nice to me. (Or at the very least, you enjoy what I'm doing here at https://listed.to/@thekirkyard.) (18+, void where prohibited, never ends) Donate here: https://listed.to/@thekirkyard/tip Inspired by: I’m going give someone random who retweets this tweet $25,000 because I feel like being nice ☺️ (you have to be following me so I can dm you if you win, NO PURCH NECESSARY, 1...

How To Win At Solitaire: don't play it. How To Win At Being Solitary: resign yourself. How To Win At Being: consider it an alternative reality. How To Win: expect the worst. My question is: Why did humans have to be commanded in the first place if they had received the knowledge of good and evil from the fruit of the tree in the "Garden"? Are we like dogs and horses and have to be trained to obey commands? To me we are all just a part of that God's put-on dog and pony show. (Caveat. I am ...

Honesty. Honestly. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel like I'm losing. I feel. I'm curious. What is the first priority of living? Or, what is the first priority of your life? Extreme Christianists would of course answer Jesus to the second question. And if they were being honest, to the first question they would answer...nothing. Why? Because they can't be honest. Their first priority is to be dishonest, because according to their holy scripture, from the beginning, they only answer q...

I'm going to be leaving the house soon. Sun is shining and bright. I need bright. Dark night. Dog barked from two. No relief in sight. I love my mind at eleven a.m. Between heaven and hell. Oh well. A morning chardonnay is swell. Did I misunderstand the meaning of life? Could you repeat that? I wasn't making a sleight. See? I brought back the asterisk. Between the lines and lonely no more. Keep score. More later. There's always more later. ...

The morning. The coffee. The thoughts. My Acer laptop has the worst build quality of any laptop I've owned. The case is barely put together. Especially in the front where the ball of my hand rests. Click clack. Click clack, because the lip of the case doesn't even come together even. Also, the volume level is the lowest I've ever seen. And no fix for it. Should've stuck with Dell. It was the best I have had. Yes I know. They get bad raps too. The best thing that Donald Trump has done is to r...

I want to scream. I need to yell. Next door neighbor's dog has been barking for 6 days straight. This is my 6th year of listening to it. I live in a county that has no noise ordinances, no animal ordinances,hell, practically no ordinances at all. I've probably written about this before but it bears repeating. I truly believe people have been given permission to be complete and utter assholes by the example we have in The White House. And those of us who want to mind our own business and live in ...

Missed a lot of days I know. But it is day 63 of #100days. Just not in a row. So here we go... Was told by a Christian that they will see me going to hell and they don't want to see that. I'm torn. Become a "believer"in "the ONLY true and living god" so that I will be spared from that loving god's place of prepared eternal fire and brimstone for those who don't give him a like? Or get saved for that Christian's emotional sake? I have tried to be saved probably close to 5 or 6 times. They tell ...

Follow along if you can... Has your "self" disappeared? Do you correlate your image by standing in line and receiving your instructions about what is expected of you to maintain a semblance of sanity? Are you "you" or an imperfect facsimile of your good intentions? Fog is perfectly painless. It is plain as day. It is the sky grounded for a breather. One's body is overblown if you never wrote or sang a song. Suicides are becoming the salt of the earth. Living is losing its savor. Blo...

Follow along if you can... I want to be nice. I want be calm and centered. I want to feel secure. It's nice work if you can get it. Are personal biases a bad or good thing? Are opinions reaching the point of no return? America has been hit with the ugly stick. All news is breaking news. No news would be good news. We are not nice. We are not calm and centered. We are insecure. When's the last time you've seen or heard these words used before today? "Courage and moral clarity." Hard to...

I'm back to this. It's been a long hiatus. I had lost the challenge to post something 100 straight days. But I'm still challenging myself to reach the goal of 100 posts. Who knows. Maybe with this post I'm restarting a 100 straight day goal. Will see. Anyways, this is a day 60 post. I'm dealing with something I've dealt with all of my life. But this time there's a definite different component to it. It's intense. It's intense in the way that I have lost any defense against it. I don't want to d...

I love the quiet mornings. The last couple of mornings have been that way. This morning in the stillness is the calm. I'm embracing it. There's a last swallow of coffee in my cup on the arm of my loveseat. It will be refilled. "The Boys" are taking their after-breakfast nap on a chair and on a rug in the floor behind me, letting the morning's soft seeping light fill them through the front storm door. Peace. My body is still working with the medication to heal and make my sinus trouble into a ...

Getting relief from sinus trouble. Slowly but surely. It's been a summer of being dragged down and dragged out. But it's getting better. Better yet, I wish I had something to write. I don't. So it's better not to force the issue. More later. (It won't take much, will it?) ...

Been awhile. A few days at least. Have been puny. Weak. Fatigued. All those words. Have felt this way most of the summer. It just has gotten worse this last month. And I have the utmost distrust of doctors, or I should say, the medical industry in this country. Heck, I distrust most all authority figures. Mainly because they believe that they are the final authority. I guess an authority would say that my belief system falls under my DSM diagnosis. But today is the day that I have to find out wh...

Tired is as tired does. Finished mowing. Incredibly hot and humid. I remember a time when you never mowed on Sunday because it was truly the Lord's day, the sabbath, a day of rest. I don't recall anybody ever mowing on Sunday till maybe I was in my late 20's? That would be the late 70's. But even then I don't recall. Broke down. Had to have something sweet. Very rarely do I have anything sweet. Hopped in the car and drove 8 miles to get a .99 cent dipped coin at McDonald's. I got some sugar. A...

The day was mowing. And more mowing. Mowing an acre and a tenth. Got about 3/4 done. With a self-propelled push mower. Will finish tomorrow. Ate tacos. Is it possible I'm tired of tacos? I know I'm sick when I'm tired of tacos. They don't taste as good. Like most of what I eat anymore. A week and about 3 or 4 days till Arizona and Vegas. Can't wait. Anything to escape. Have you escaped recently? And to finish... this post was to hit 55. Do you feel used? Well, I'm sorry. Join ...

"By Midnight" I want to breathe and know it's me. I want to thrive because I decide. I want to expand and understand. I want to say this was the day I went to sleep and knew what to keep. -GK Survey: https://twitter.com/kirkyard/status/1159826435751763968?s=20 Why do we attach the term "passed away" to someone who killed themselves; also known as suicide? It was their choice was it not? Even if they made it under the weight of mental illness, or stress, or depression, or addiction...

What the heck did the title of yesterday's post have to do with anything? I don't know what I was thinking. But what I am thinking of tonight is...how many people in this country have come to the point that they can say that they are ashamed to be called an American? I'm too tired to write much more. So let me close by writing a poem... "Starred" When you care, cry. When you've lived, die. Where there's night, sigh. If you dare, fly. -GK More later. I'm hoping there's always more later. ...

Looks like I'm barely going to get in Day 52. Nothing profound here. Never was. Watching something about aliens in Antarctica. Ice is up to three miles thick in Antarctica. Don't worry. We'll get that melted in short order. I sat today outside of a Walmart in Corinth Mississippi. I sat. And I sat. Thinking twice. I went in. But I do know now where to hit the floor. And the door. Life goes on, some people will say. Of course today some people don't have a chance to even consider it. Have a ni...

Speak less to yourself and what you think you want to hear. You are speaking into a vacuum if you are not already doing what you are telling yourself to do. A resting position is a place where the mind maintains itself on life-support. The quiet morning. All mornings should be as quiet as possible. Being awake and being startled awake give two different responses. If you start out with a scream after being startled from your sleep, you spend the rest of the day recovering. Don't let yourself j...

Halfway to the 100 days of writing. There's no time to rest. Walked 10 miles today. Just like yesterday. It seems that today and yesterday should be the only days that count. And that they are. Aren't they? And yesterday should be looked on as a second cousin to tomorrow. Walking is my soul. I want to be at the point of walking as long and as far as my spirit moves me. Walking is my meditation. It is my mantra. I need it to make its mark on my body. To put it and my mind under its control. I ...

A walker will walk. The walker will walk. I walk. I love meditative music. Dreams are real. Hope is real. They are means to an end. This is a day of activity. This is a day of inactivity. Ying and yang. “No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” ...The Buddha I could say a lot of things about the recent mass shootings. But saying anything is empty. Doing something fills the void. The void of feelings is a deep darkness. We must fill it. I w...

Slept late again. Feels good. Refreshed. Brain fog diminished. Lots of dreaming. A good dream. Bad dream I do. Back at the home I grew up in. Weedeating. Feels like I've been living there. Lights turned on. Early evening. But there's a yellowish tint. Inside and outside. Then I noticed the holes in vinyl siding, just on one side of the house, that I must have put there in my weedeating. But now that I remember a lot of the holes were way above where I had weedeated against the house. More to the...