I used to have no clue. Now I think I have plenty at 72. The past always asks me "Who knew?" I'm still answering, "No clue." ...

Some mornings to get to good you have to first decide whether to have a cup of coffee or a second sleep. Life may be best if it was lived as if my thoughts, words, and deeds were not necessary. Mortality may gain its im by oms. We shouldn't be nervous or worried about A.I. We've been practicing A.S. (Artificial Socialization) for years. And look how well that has turned out. We are all just giddy, well-adjusted social butterflies. Products that guarantee "You will feel a difference...

Texting is a way to tell others that the distance between a handshake, a fist-bump, a touch, or a hug, is infinite. The machines are breathing. I had an experience yesterday. Am I? I am now. Are you? At 71 years of age I know that I don't know anything, and I don't want to know anything. The same goes for nothing. I've been told that it's sunny on the bright side. Ruminating is so bovine. Cud it is. I'm milking it for all it's worth. You are here before you are there. ...

Easter. Sunday morning. Neither have any meaning for me. I sit. I drink a second cup of coffee. And now I write. If anyone has read any of my other posts you can tell the undercurrents of anger, anxiety, and angst. Being bitter is not a good look for most people. Although in the America of today bitter is becoming a by-word. Now I need to do some catching up. Starting from... August 22, 2020... I live to have no opinion about everyone else's opinion. September 15, 2020... Ordered a phone...

There is hope. Trump. Toast. Pass the butter. But I'm also afraid the damage has been done. Could it get worse? Yes. The bar has been lowered. 9 times out of 10 scrutiny screws. Has there ever been a generation that spends most of their waking hours indoors but worries what the weather is going to be like 10 days from today? For those of you on a deprivation diet, whether it be keto, paleo, vegan, or vegetarian, (and believe me, I have been a ketour), I raise my bar to you. https://www.litt...

and endings need an end. Good morning. I hope the morning and mornings for you don't feel like most mornings do for me. Not good. And not a morning in the metaphysical or poetical sense. For me mornings are when my physical eyes are opened and my body breathes and my mind screams in the silence of a barely noticeable will. Honestly. But let's get to some practical matters. Yes. It's been awhile since I posted anything. It is a kirkyard after all. Get it? Kirkyard. Look it up. You can sm...

Daylight/Nightlight... Yes. Watching and feeling it get darker an hour earlier each evening makes me feel like "Good Day Sunshine" by The Beatles is a tease. https://t.co/XiQsVLnchU— the kirkyard (@kirkyard) November 5, 2019 There are great articles and essays on Elle and Vogue. Suicides can never be poetic justice. Why do churches now hold "celebrations of life" for those who commit suicide? I have never seen them hold a celebration of life for those who have survived suicide attempts. W...

Neapolitan ice cream. Over half of a half gallon. Gone. The other half is shame and guilt. I have hit a wall. A lull. A depressed state. I need lifting. I need pushing. I need the pull forward. Life should be a lilt. Not something endured, embedded in silt. Yes. That was a little personal. That's okay. I need to spell it out. Honestly it's only honesty that gets you through. That's nothing new. Another sleepless night. Dog barking. But you already know this story. So I'll move on. ...

I’m going to take a donation of $25,000 from anyone (and everyone) random who retweets this because you feel like being nice to me. (Or at the very least, you enjoy what I'm doing here at https://listed.to/@thekirkyard.) (18+, void where prohibited, never ends) Donate here: https://listed.to/@thekirkyard/tip Inspired by: I’m going give someone random who retweets this tweet $25,000 because I feel like being nice ☺️ (you have to be following me so I can dm you if you win, NO PURCH NECESSARY, 1...

How To Win At Solitaire: don't play it. How To Win At Being Solitary: resign yourself. How To Win At Being: consider it an alternative reality. How To Win: expect the worst. My question is: Why did humans have to be commanded in the first place if they had received the knowledge of good and evil from the fruit of the tree in the "Garden"? Are we like dogs and horses and have to be trained to obey commands? To me we are all just a part of that God's put-on dog and pony show. (Caveat. I am ...

Honesty. Honestly. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel like I'm losing. I feel. I'm curious. What is the first priority of living? Or, what is the first priority of your life? Extreme Christianists would of course answer Jesus to the second question. And if they were being honest, to the first question they would answer...nothing. Why? Because they can't be honest. Their first priority is to be dishonest, because according to their holy scripture, from the beginning, they only answer q...

I'm going to be leaving the house soon. Sun is shining and bright. I need bright. Dark night. Dog barked from two. No relief in sight. I love my mind at eleven a.m. Between heaven and hell. Oh well. A morning chardonnay is swell. Did I misunderstand the meaning of life? Could you repeat that? I wasn't making a sleight. See? I brought back the asterisk. Between the lines and lonely no more. Keep score. More later. There's always more later. ...

The morning. The coffee. The thoughts. My Acer laptop has the worst build quality of any laptop I've owned. The case is barely put together. Especially in the front where the ball of my hand rests. Click clack. Click clack, because the lip of the case doesn't even come together even. Also, the volume level is the lowest I've ever seen. And no fix for it. Should've stuck with Dell. It was the best I have had. Yes I know. They get bad raps too. The best thing that Donald Trump has done is to r...

I want to scream. I need to yell. Next door neighbor's dog has been barking for 6 days straight. This is my 6th year of listening to it. I live in a county that has no noise ordinances, no animal ordinances,hell, practically no ordinances at all. I've probably written about this before but it bears repeating. I truly believe people have been given permission to be complete and utter assholes by the example we have in The White House. And those of us who want to mind our own business and live in ...

Missed a lot of days I know. But it is day 63 of #100days. Just not in a row. So here we go... Was told by a Christian that they will see me going to hell and they don't want to see that. I'm torn. Become a "believer"in "the ONLY true and living god" so that I will be spared from that loving god's place of prepared eternal fire and brimstone for those who don't give him a like? Or get saved for that Christian's emotional sake? I have tried to be saved probably close to 5 or 6 times. They tell ...

Follow along if you can... Has your "self" disappeared? Do you correlate your image by standing in line and receiving your instructions about what is expected of you to maintain a semblance of sanity? Are you "you" or an imperfect facsimile of your good intentions? Fog is perfectly painless. It is plain as day. It is the sky grounded for a breather. One's body is overblown if you never wrote or sang a song. Suicides are becoming the salt of the earth. Living is losing its savor. Blo...

Follow along if you can... I want to be nice. I want be calm and centered. I want to feel secure. It's nice work if you can get it. Are personal biases a bad or good thing? Are opinions reaching the point of no return? America has been hit with the ugly stick. All news is breaking news. No news would be good news. We are not nice. We are not calm and centered. We are insecure. When's the last time you've seen or heard these words used before today? "Courage and moral clarity." Hard to...

I'm back to this. It's been a long hiatus. I had lost the challenge to post something 100 straight days. But I'm still challenging myself to reach the goal of 100 posts. Who knows. Maybe with this post I'm restarting a 100 straight day goal. Will see. Anyways, this is a day 60 post. I'm dealing with something I've dealt with all of my life. But this time there's a definite different component to it. It's intense. It's intense in the way that I have lost any defense against it. I don't want to d...

I love the quiet mornings. The last couple of mornings have been that way. This morning in the stillness is the calm. I'm embracing it. There's a last swallow of coffee in my cup on the arm of my loveseat. It will be refilled. "The Boys" are taking their after-breakfast nap on a chair and on a rug in the floor behind me, letting the morning's soft seeping light fill them through the front storm door. Peace. My body is still working with the medication to heal and make my sinus trouble into a ...

Getting relief from sinus trouble. Slowly but surely. It's been a summer of being dragged down and dragged out. But it's getting better. Better yet, I wish I had something to write. I don't. So it's better not to force the issue. More later. (It won't take much, will it?) ...

Been awhile. A few days at least. Have been puny. Weak. Fatigued. All those words. Have felt this way most of the summer. It just has gotten worse this last month. And I have the utmost distrust of doctors, or I should say, the medical industry in this country. Heck, I distrust most all authority figures. Mainly because they believe that they are the final authority. I guess an authority would say that my belief system falls under my DSM diagnosis. But today is the day that I have to find out wh...

Tired is as tired does. Finished mowing. Incredibly hot and humid. I remember a time when you never mowed on Sunday because it was truly the Lord's day, the sabbath, a day of rest. I don't recall anybody ever mowing on Sunday till maybe I was in my late 20's? That would be the late 70's. But even then I don't recall. Broke down. Had to have something sweet. Very rarely do I have anything sweet. Hopped in the car and drove 8 miles to get a .99 cent dipped coin at McDonald's. I got some sugar. A...

The day was mowing. And more mowing. Mowing an acre and a tenth. Got about 3/4 done. With a self-propelled push mower. Will finish tomorrow. Ate tacos. Is it possible I'm tired of tacos? I know I'm sick when I'm tired of tacos. They don't taste as good. Like most of what I eat anymore. A week and about 3 or 4 days till Arizona and Vegas. Can't wait. Anything to escape. Have you escaped recently? And to finish... this post was to hit 55. Do you feel used? Well, I'm sorry. Join ...

"By Midnight" I want to breathe and know it's me. I want to thrive because I decide. I want to expand and understand. I want to say this was the day I went to sleep and knew what to keep. -GK Survey: https://twitter.com/kirkyard/status/1159826435751763968?s=20 Why do we attach the term "passed away" to someone who killed themselves; also known as suicide? It was their choice was it not? Even if they made it under the weight of mental illness, or stress, or depression, or addiction...

What the heck did the title of yesterday's post have to do with anything? I don't know what I was thinking. But what I am thinking of tonight is...how many people in this country have come to the point that they can say that they are ashamed to be called an American? I'm too tired to write much more. So let me close by writing a poem... "Starred" When you care, cry. When you've lived, die. Where there's night, sigh. If you dare, fly. -GK More later. I'm hoping there's always more later. ...

Looks like I'm barely going to get in Day 52. Nothing profound here. Never was. Watching something about aliens in Antarctica. Ice is up to three miles thick in Antarctica. Don't worry. We'll get that melted in short order. I sat today outside of a Walmart in Corinth Mississippi. I sat. And I sat. Thinking twice. I went in. But I do know now where to hit the floor. And the door. Life goes on, some people will say. Of course today some people don't have a chance to even consider it. Have a ni...

Speak less to yourself and what you think you want to hear. You are speaking into a vacuum if you are not already doing what you are telling yourself to do. A resting position is a place where the mind maintains itself on life-support. The quiet morning. All mornings should be as quiet as possible. Being awake and being startled awake give two different responses. If you start out with a scream after being startled from your sleep, you spend the rest of the day recovering. Don't let yourself j...

Halfway to the 100 days of writing. There's no time to rest. Walked 10 miles today. Just like yesterday. It seems that today and yesterday should be the only days that count. And that they are. Aren't they? And yesterday should be looked on as a second cousin to tomorrow. Walking is my soul. I want to be at the point of walking as long and as far as my spirit moves me. Walking is my meditation. It is my mantra. I need it to make its mark on my body. To put it and my mind under its control. I ...

A walker will walk. The walker will walk. I walk. I love meditative music. Dreams are real. Hope is real. They are means to an end. This is a day of activity. This is a day of inactivity. Ying and yang. “No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” ...The Buddha I could say a lot of things about the recent mass shootings. But saying anything is empty. Doing something fills the void. The void of feelings is a deep darkness. We must fill it. I w...

Slept late again. Feels good. Refreshed. Brain fog diminished. Lots of dreaming. A good dream. Bad dream I do. Back at the home I grew up in. Weedeating. Feels like I've been living there. Lights turned on. Early evening. But there's a yellowish tint. Inside and outside. Then I noticed the holes in vinyl siding, just on one side of the house, that I must have put there in my weedeating. But now that I remember a lot of the holes were way above where I had weedeated against the house. More to the...

CLIMB Climb the black From the bottom Search for sky Practice reaching And forgetting The fall Always scream When dreaming And slipping Grasp the ledge To avenge Heavy breathing Some poems don't make sense. But as long as they are nonsensical to me they're worth it. Sleep is good while suffering. A deep long sleep is even better. I slept good and late this morning. First time in a long time. Mind fog hopefully will break. I will keep moving, climbing, today. I am so ready to claim a ne...

Let's freestyle... Worst store-bought cole slaw. Walmart's. Had it with my chicken livers that I fried last night. Livers were great. More onion is the secret. There should be a law against whipped cream cheese. Still lightheaded. Still grieving. My two other boys (cats) are too. Seriously. They are. I know. I would like to get back to how I wrote starting this 100 day challenge originally. It felt real. There was somebody who posted on List that must have stopped. I miss her. Can't rememb...

My world is lonely today. Lonely wrapped in a heartache. The decision was made yesterday and Snugglepuss agreed. With his old body of flesh and bones and his head buried in the crook of my arm he purred and sang the song of goodbye, and let me know that his life had been enough. Our life together needed to become a memory. I cried. I cried harder. And then we made the drive to an office that held the elixir of death. I stayed with him as slowly the needle and its contents showed how s...

I'm afraid of opening the door to my deck this morning. No, not afraid, I don't know what the word would be. I'm hoping that Snugglepuss has given up the ghost, so to speak. It would absolve me of making the decision. I'm emotionally ragged. For those such as me, emotions are like pure bleach. At full strength they eat away at our presence or place in the world. Not that we ever had a place. Empathetic depressives exist in the world. They don't really live in it. We are on the outside looking i...

We're just waiting on death here. My best friend, my cat Snugglepuss, has been holding on. I'd like to think he doesn't want to leave me. Each day becomes a little slower. Is he in pain? I don't believe so. Of course he can't tell me. He's still eating good and drinking. Even can still jump up on the couch. But the funny thing is, I want him to die. I want him to die at home. I don't want to carry him to the vet and have him put to sleep. I feel like the executioner then. But I will not let him ...

The non-drinking morning hangover is a little less heavy this morning than usual. May be a sign the "mental fever" is breaking. Hope so. Is there any good reason at all to read Twitter? Let's face it. It's like a group of children jumping up and down with their hands in the air screaming "Choose me! Please! Choose me!" I do the same. And admit it. You do too. Our witty repartee is so special. Yeah right. Speaking of which, there is no good reason for you to be reading this. I'm not writin...

10:37. Saturday night. Light-headed. I believe I've had too much sun this summer. Haven't felt good for 2 to 3 weeks. Of course your mental state also manifests physically. I'm going with the multiple factors cause. My daughter said today that I needed to take care of my health. That I need to back off of doing things all the time for others and do some self-care. I do know that I need to shake this. Been down, physically and mentally, for too long. So I did next to nothing today. May be mor...

Yes. Yesterday was rough. Could you tell? I was in fine form. But that's me. I don't know how to smooth my rough edges. Or at the very least I don't know where the line is. Still, in this day and edge, I don't think we as a society have a line. We are told to be ourselves. I was. We are told to be authentic. I was. We are told to be or do many things. I did. I can't take any of it back. I could delete it. But I won't. I am a depressive. In case you were wondering. I don't just have depression...

A hoax. If I never hear the word "hoax" again, it won't be soon enough. It's all a hoax anyway. The I and T. Apostrophe. S. And me. And you. Hoaxed out of body. Hoaxed out of mind. The absurdity of it all. The absurdity of the universe. The absurdity of the universe having a "God". The absurdity of believing in something called a soul that breathes. Then death. Vanity of vanities. As they say. Do you despair? Truly despair? Within you do you despair that you carry a soul in safekeeping fo...

Long day. Tired day. That's what it is. Mentally tiring. It's not a long day because everyday is confined by its length. The last shall be first and the first shall be last syndrome. I'm feeling it. My memory is making up its own mind. It's not so much a fading remembrance but a jumpstarted loss of identity. I don't know who I am anymore and I can't remind myself enough. Let's write a poem. Shall we?... LAST GASP I had to learn breath that whatever I did breath worked breath for awhile br...

Been out of pocket for awhile. My laptop decided to be a bottom-feeder. I cut the line. Back in business somewhat. Received Acer computer on Friday. Yes, it was from Prime Days. Well, I've been receiving support ever since I got it. The bottom line is the bottom line.. Feel very bad for such a long stream of unpublished days. Yes I know there's an Android app. Pshaw. Have been eating some carbs. Not happy about it. Neither is my gut. Did you ever notice how sweet Wheat Thins and Ritz Cracker...

My coffee is mine and fine. MCT oil. Kroger's whole cream. Only Kroger's. Thick and gloppy. A scoop of hydrolyzed collagen peptides. Then the coffee that changes flavors according to my whim. McDonalds, not from the local McDonald's, the one in the bag. Premium roast. That's a particular favorite. Or today was my last two scoops of Walmart's hazelnut. Good good stuff. Mix it all together. There you go. Oh and if you run out of cream, butter will work. Oil that coffee up. It's good for what ails ...

The life of this crazy is a life of questioning. Every. Damn Word. Every thought. Every sentence is a question of "why did I say that?" And yes I call myself a crazy. Crazy. Because that's what it is. Most importantly, that's what I am. I know that this journal of posts is public. Well hell. Every day I'm public. I don't have anything to hide. And as my aunt would say, "I'm going to die anyway." Freestyle alert... Obsessing. The crack in the roof of mouth. Bite. Tongue. Feel. Bite. Tongue. Fe...

There is solace in solitude. I can testify to that. Sitting in silence with me as my only conversationalist is sacred. What's that? Me using the word sacred? Yes. Anything that calms me, centers me and corrects my course is sacred. Sacred is a space. A place of perfecting the inward. An outward movement to peace. A stillness. Shh. But not every moment is like that. I love to imitate the whirlwind. I love to pontificate. I live to educate. I had one of those moments today. A lot of us crazies...

Broke my streak for the days in a row. Durn. Actually I had written something yesterday and then forgot about it and forgot to post it "Freestyle!" Let's begin. Walked 6 miles. Walking is life. (Seems like I've talked about this before.) So there's that. The pressure is off. What pressure there was. I'm writing this at 11:44 p.m. on June 29th. For the record. And so to sign off...My last rite(write) by rights... "Death forgot to explain to you to live ...

My goal for tomorrow is to keep moving. That's my goal everyday. As older folks tell me, "I keep moving because once you stop and don't start again you're done." I watched the second night of the Democratic Debate. Those who are licking their chops over the idea of Kamala Harris debating Trump forget how smug Dems were picturing Hillary dismantling him too. I support Mayor Pete Buttigieg. I have since before he officially announced. I'm scared of people who are constantly yelling and pointing ...

I really don't want to write tonight. I had catfish with a friend today. That's all that really needs to be said. But I will also say that I walked to clear my mind. I walked to move me. I walked because I wanted to. This I don't. But I did. Goodnight. ...

Remind me again. I know today is the day you are to celebrate the life of Anthony Bourdain. But when do we celebrate the life of a best friend, or a member of a family, or a neighbor? If suicide gives us a day of celebration, why aren't we celebrating the ways and means of death and others' deaths also? What does it take? Is it only celebrities' deaths by their own hand that equates to a good death because they entertained and added value to our lives? If you live alone, the only meat you nee...

I almost forgot about writing a post. But here I am. Helped a friend this morning. Walked six miles. Visited a friend at the nursing home. Joined her in playing bingo. Sang "Long Lonesome Highway". It felt good. Bought a chicken finger dinner from Jack's. That is a place in the South. They include a biscuit. I eat low carb. That did me in. I also have this awful aftertaste. Oh. Also had two beers. Maybe that was it. My cat's in bed with me. He's asking for some extra attention. I am too. Ch...

Suffer the schiz Unify the polar Convulse in reality And only grow older. Halving the crazies Grow the words bolder Memory is death Ask any soldier. Love when you sleep Keep it in a folder No one believes you The grave is even colder. -Gary Kirk ...

I made my bed this morning. As usual. I walked five miles this morning. As usual. I dreamed old dreams. As usual. I finished mowing my acre and a tenth yard With my self-propelled mower. As usual. I wondered what I would do for company without my three cats, Knowing that they would survive without me. As usual. I ate tacos for a second night On the second night of the weekend. As usual. I am writing for the 27th day in a row. At the end of 100 days it may be As usual. My days are not so u...

I used to have faith and reason to grieve, and pretend that my soul would be well at the call. I used to believe in fulfilling a dream and Christopher Christ, who is now my fiend. But as my mind took hold of my soul, it began to settle, and began to be preened. It showed me the future wasn't mine to know and God didn't create the first and last scene. And now I'm blessed by not knowing all of where I began and what it should mean. -Gary Kirk ...

Stephen Colbert is close to the lousiest interviewer ever. He should do an opening monologue for an hour. A marathon monologue. I stopped watching "CBS This Morning", or CTM as they want you to call it now, about a week ago. I'm a better man for it. Does anybody really believe that almond milk tastes good? And if so, compared to what? ...Oh crap. It's getting close to midnight and I have nothing much to add. I need to come up with ideas on what to journal or blog. I think I need to make th...

Just got through watching that documentary about The Jonas Brothers, "Chasing Happiness". Don't think they've caught it. Just look at their faces as they are reunited now. Scowls. That's what I see. Scowls. And believe me, I know what a scowl is. I was born with one. Honestly, if you have seen this movie, did you feel happier at the beginning or the end? See? Told you so. The scowl gave it away. America and Americans are scowling. Happiness is an artificial construct. People are cramming as...

“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” — Buddha "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Jesus "Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light." Dylan Thomas "Silt silent Buried in the earth. Creating a memory That upon my return will be Remembered." Gary Kirk I have been reconciling myself...

There is a black cat on the rug on the floor in front of me. He belongs to me. Actually I mean he allows me to feed him every opportunity he demands to be fed. Another cat is outside. He's a contrarian sometimes. Okay. 80% of the time. (Have you ever noticed that the dollar sign goes in front of the number amount and the percentage sign comes after the numbers? Why is that?) And my oldest man is waiting for me to get up and go to the kitchen. He is coming to the end of the last of his nine ...

Why did it surprise anyone that Sarah Huckabee Sanders was and is a liar? Her whole belief system is built upon a lie. She will attend a church service where it is expected she will hear a sermon delivering more lies that have been told long enough and often enough that the "sheep" of and to this system have shut off their reasoning and inquiry abilities in order to feel "blessed", "chosen", "saved", "called out" and "separated" from what they consider the dredge of the world who will suffer f...

Things that keep you alive: Push-mowing your 1.1 acre yard. Sitting on a deck on a Tennessee summer evening with your three cats napping away. Ground beef and riced cauliflower with seasoned brussels sprouts. Making plans for the future. Not eating potato chips all day. Making your bed first thing in the morning. Knowing that you do not think like Franklin Graham. Knowing that you like the way Pete Buttigieg thinks. Birds chirping so loud that you can't hear yourself think. Hope. Oh. ...

Your cocktail of choice is best drunk just before the sun is setting. And as the sun is setting. And as the sun has set. And after sunrise, while waiting for the sun to set. God drinks Tequila Sunrises and Rum Sunsets. Naturally. He's got all of eternity to come up with something better. He's just waiting for his first failed experiment to die out. Let me know when he gets to Courvoisier and coke, and what kind of being he forms out of salt-water taffy while on a three day bender. That shou...

I'm mentally tired tonight. But didn't want to break the chain. Eighteenth post in 18 days. We do get some kind of an award for this don't we? Nowadays recognition is what it's all about. Egos to be stroked. Do you think it's because we all are too individualistic to keep it to ourselves? We are the champions is chomping at the bit. Fame is the name of the game. Rich and glitz. Short and sweet. Inspiration in defeat. A little freeform. The words are dead. The light goes out. It's time f...

Things I Am Not Doing Today... I will not turn on the television to watch the morning news. I do not need noise in my life. And that is all it is. Noise, masquerading as news, pretending to be journalism practiced by journalists, when in actuality it is entertainment presented by personalities to appease us of our prejudices and validate and promote biases. I will not dream anymore than necessary. I will only use my dreams to begin the process of attaining a goal. Such as researching. Le...

YOUR NAME IS MUD God was buried alone, by his own hand, in the dirt. He started it. Jesus spit in that dirt and rubbed it over a blind someone's eyes. In remembrance. I wanted to cry. I couldn't believe it. I didn't see it coming with my own eyes. Someone sucking in their breath. Someone always praying for death. Someone left their room in a mess. They live to defy. They live to have it all. They live to give the last goodbye. ...

I don't want to count the days anymore. It feels like a countdown (which it is) to a finish, rather than a count-up to whatever I'm attempting to do here. Oh. That's right. I'm trying to write for 100 days. Day 14. I've always liked that number. I've always liked the number 4. No reason. It just looks good. I'm eating wrong and too much. A glass of chardonnay gave me a headache. Two glasses actually. Well, maybe three. I can't remember. Is that a problem? The headaches I mean. Tomor...

This is going to be crap. I have to come up with something to fulfill the 13th day. Okay. My favorite poem is Annabel Lee. My favorite milk is cow's milk. Not soy or almond or coconut or cashew or oat. I would rather eat them. Wait a second... I like to eat cow too. The first name of some of the greatest songwriters is John... Lennon, Hiatt, Mellencamp. It's also the first name of notorious criminals..Wilkes Booth, Dillinger, Wayne Gacey. (Those last two sentences were probably inappro...

Have you noticed that suicide has become the new way to be "friended" and to get a "like" and a "thumbs up"? It's an action that demands a "celebration of life" ceremony anymore. It's referred to as a "passing" or just a simple the "died". They are mourned as leaving us too soon. It is no longer an act of violence against humanity. It is not something to be prevented. It is simply the beginning of a person's legacy, especially if you are a celebrity. It is the their future entertainment v...

I am so sick from two things this morning. Make that three. Sick and angry. Angry at my cat. Angry at me. And angry at Christianity and Mike Huckabee. Number one, my oldest cat, poops almost every night in the middle of the floor of the room where his litter box is, instead of going in the litter box. It stinks to high heaven. Wakes me up. Luckily I have laminate floors. Most of the time I have cardboard down in the floor. Then he stops for awhile and I decide not to put cardboard down. Big m...

I ate some cereal. Carbs are bad. I ate some cereal. Jealous yet? It was delicious. Near ecstasy. Calming. Sounds drug-induced doesn't it? It's food folks. I needed food. I wanted soul-satisfying eats. Better yet, it was free. A free box of carbs! Better yet, it was a free box of Post Oreo O's. Oh my God. I had forgotten what heaven tasted like. Milk and Oreo's cereal. I can die happy. Or live in ketosis hell. Think I'll sleep on that. Carbs will do that to you, you know. ...

I'm looking at a poem from the side. I cannot read it straight on. It might hurt me. It might even rhyme. That would be worse, because then it would truly be a poem. Poetry should rhyme in order to be good. There is no good reason not to. Only life has no rhyme or reason. That is what poetry is for. To give your life a reason to be faced straight on. ...

I'm sick of hearing about: minimalism minimalistic approach minimalists Trump meets Queen Elizabeth. Trump is thinking..."God, her hair and her skin are so white. She is a great, great woman. I am whiter than white. I am a great, great king." I woke up at 5:30 a.m. It is 6:55 a.m.. I still haven't made coffee. Just one more proof-test of mental illness. Our local television station employs a stammering weatherman. As irritating as he is, thank God he's not a surgeon. It ain't much but it's a...

I walked today. I walked 6.5 miles. I visited today. I visited a friend. Now I'll open the floor to questions. ...

I can't write. What is there to say? Maybe it is time to maintain a silent life. To tamp down anger and judgment. To shut the speech of knowing it all. To feel what I've created within me and mourn. To know and understand that there are no finer points to life. Life just is. And I am. My coffee tastes especially good this morning. Some mornings are like that. Some mornings aren't. This morning and its coffee shouldn't be sipped and savored. It should be gulped and forgotten. But I sit. Butt si...

A Benadryl bound morning. Grog should be my middle name. A cocktail of weighted eyes and a muddled mind. I should receive a reward for even lifting my head from the pillow. Whatever happened to bright and chipper? 10:30 p.m. my time. Of course my time may be your time too. But all in all it's everyone's time. What if we stopped counting time? The hours, the minutes, the seconds. What if we only kept track of the mornings that we got up, and marked that off as a day? Better yet, what if we...

I got cute with the title of this post. Obsession takes many forms. The "Out" is not over while I am in it. Anyways. I needed more freeform. A form of freeing. Although it's just holding me to account with my obsessions. Still there is no sense. I have no sense. Nothing makes sense. If only nothing could. But maybe that's the point. To be at nothing. To be within it. To know it as intimately as the soul that suffers with itself. The suffering that is myself. And maybe the soul is the nothing....

Yes. It's three out of a hundred days. Or a better way of looking at it is that its 3 out of 3 days. I don't have a hundred days. Shoot. I don't have 3 days. I have had most of today. And that should be good enough. Do you notice that I'm talking a little more coherently? The other posts were motivating me to freethink. To type without thinking it through to a conclusion. Freeform. I am lightheaded. Feeling puny for a couple of days. Don't like this feeling because I think that the bubble may ...

A foggy stupor does not make for a good Tuesday morning. God is in the deatils. This is a note to self. Supplements may be a good thing. The things that work. Even though science says no. My body/mind has no flow. Regimens are good things. This is still a freeflow. Listed tells me so. What am I to know? There is work to do today. But I'm hoping against hope that she will call and say her energy was in freefall. You know. Paducah and all. Lazy hardly ever calls. Keto took a fall. Ah! That may ...

It's all or nothing. Sitting with my best companions in the world. Or ever. My 3 cats. I am a hermit of my mind. My mind is damaged. Goods or good or not. I breathe. Existence. It's not a fresh breath. Stale old air. My cats love me. They are comfortable. They comfort me. It's Tuesday. It could be the day before. Or the day after. There are no commas. Just periods and spaces. 67 years is not long for a death march. In the grand scheme of things there is no scheme. Emptying your mind into a da...